Don’t Fall For the Casual Sex Okey Doke

casual_sex_fridaysWhile I still have no doubt in my mind that the media is guilty of championing the sexual promiscuity and irresponsibility that is wreaking havoc on our society at large, and the Black community specifically, there are many individuals pushing this agenda as well. Not surprisingly, most of these people are men – cloaked in faux feminism or exploiting female insecurities, real feminists – who want us to jump on their “have sex like a man” bandwagon, and other women who have no political agenda but should know better. 

I will start with those who have the least amount of influence on women’s sexual behavior: Men.

Men are more duplicitous in their sex strategies against women.

For example: And this is an actual quote…

”Why is it our responsibility to tell a woman who she can have sex with and how often? Feminism is about treating women like morally competent adults who can actually make their own decisions about their life, their career, and yes, even their body. If that means making decisions different from what you or I would make, even if it means sleeping with a guy who texts her for a date, then that is her business and her right. I don’t hear anyone telling me I shouldn’t give it up on the first date for a woman to respect me. Why is that? That’s right. Because even if you don’t agree with me, I can do whatever the heck I want. Why should we want anything less for our sisters, daughters, friends, girlfriends, or wives?”
“You are very cavalier and insulting of the rising younger generation. Do you interact with these kids in the real world? Because I do, all day, every day. Contrary to your myth of techno-obsessed, socially inept, hipsters, the vast majority are conscientious, hard-working people who are honestly looking for, and finding, love and commitment. If these men are “thoughtless children” and these women are “degrading themselves, viewing men as the enemy”, they hide it well in their words and actions around me.”
I, too place a high capital on fight oppression and marginalization of women of color. Isn’t part of that recognizing that oppression and marginalization of women in general is still an issue? It seems to me that if you treat the larger group justly, respectfully, and honorably, then the smaller group gets some benefit.” ~SeanCyphers (Livefyre account)

Gee, I wonder what this (I’m guessing non-Black) fellow hopes to gain from discouraging older, more experienced women from advising the less experienced, “younger generation” of women on dating and vetting men? It’s a real head scratcher, isn’t it? :lol:

I have to give credit where credit is due. This strategy works quite well on the rebellious among us. If a woman refrains from sleeping around, especially if she’s being advised that it’s foolish by others, she’s being “oppressed” and “marginalized”. Very clever. The rebels always want to do what older authority figure types don’t want them to do. It’s childish and immature, but that is obviously the type of woman such a man hopes his words will appeal to. When it comes down to it, what he really wants is to screw “the younger generation.”

If you have ever come across such a guy in real life, you already know that your failure to buy into his faux feminist bull crap will lead to an all out tantrum and/or claims that you must be a “frigid religious nut”. Avoid all faux male feminists. They do not respect women, and they have no interest in helping you (or any other woman) to achieve social justice and economic equality. It’s nothing more than a con.

Another strategy, I have only ever seen used by Black men, is what I call the “Your damaged goods now and you better take what you can get” strategy. This strategy has two approaches (that I know of). In the first, the intention of the man is quite obvious.

An example:

You’re no virgin! So, why do I have to wait to have sex with you when Ray-Ray, Jamal, Peanut and whoever else didn’t?”

This man wants sex, and hopes to use your lack of a hymen to get it. It’s a very weak approach, and I doubt it would work on any rational adult women.

A similar, but more selfish, approach is to use the imbalance of population between Black women and Black men to their advantage.

An example:

If Black women want a Black man, and they aren’t even virgins, they need to bring something to the table. A Black man can get any woman he wants, why should he settle for you unless he can get something out of it? If a Black woman wants me, she needs to know how to put it down in the bedroom and the kitchen. A real woman knows her place and isn’t too proud to be submissive and cater to her man’s needs.”

The intentions here are also obvious, but I have actually seen this approach work on some desperate, and successfully indoctrinated, NBABM women. I’m sure you have too. The key words in this example are “her man’s needs” – indicating that the woman who gives in to this man’s demands will get a relationship as her reward, and “submissive” – a favorite among the DBR crowd, because so many Black women have been brainwashed by Black churches to believe that women should bow down to men as though they are gods, instead of the partners in life that they are meant to be. Ironically, fornication is a Biblical sin, but not one discouraged by most Black churches.  

Some of you may be surprised to read that I believe that men have the least amount of influence over female sexual behavior, but it’s true. The reason is fairly simple, and is tied into the age old concept of peer pressure.

Women, in general, do not and cannot truly consider men their peers. The imbalance in power and social privileges make that impossible. Also, women know that men (hetero men) want sex from them and will likely say or do anything to get it, so when a man pushes casual sex no one is fooled as to what his motivations may be. We are all certain that we know. We are not so certain about our fellow women.

It’s hardly a shock that men would see an advantage in convincing women that sleeping around is the world’s greatest idea, but other women? It may, or may not surprise you to know that some women, when they reach a certain age, begin to resent younger women and the possibilities inherent in their youth. Some of these women will happily encourage younger women to engage in behaviors that they already know are detrimental to their future and even their lives.

Unless you have been on the receiving end of this kind of bad advice, you may think, “No, they are just trying to be helpful.” If the person in question is around your own age, this could be true, but when someone gets to your parents age group they should, and probably do, know better.

An example, from my own life:

A childhood friend of my mom’s tried to convince me not to marry my husband until I had slept with more men. Now, keep in mind that I had been in three previous serious relationships that she was aware of, so this was not her expressing a concern that I may be falling for the first guy I ever slept with. She has known me my entire life. Also, this woman has been married five times, and according to my mother – who should know – she was divorced all five times because she cheated on all of her husbands. And even had two children during two different marriages with men she was cheating on her husbands with. In addition, she began sleeping around as a teen, long before her first marriage.

So, basically, this woman is a sexual compulsive who, instead of getting the counseling that she so desperately needs, wanted to drag me down to her level. And even if my mother had not warned me about her mindset, seeing how she treated her own children would have given her away: she treats her sons as if they are living gods, and treats her daughters like romantic rivals. Not the type of woman I’d accept advice from. 

Guilt and shame have always been popular tools when it comes to manipulating and controlling the lives of Black women and girls.

Some women will attempt to guilt you into having sex with men you barely know, by claiming that your refusal to share your most intimate embrace with a virtual stranger makes you “stuck up”. I recently read a blog comment about a woman who tried to convince her own niece to have sex with any Black man who asked her out, because (according to the aunt) there are many other Black women who were willing to have sex with a BM on the first date, and not doing so made her “stuck up”. Reading it, I could hardly believe that anyone would say such a thing to their own flesh and blood, but I guess the anti-young women jealousy instinct is stronger than blood, for some women. Thankfully, this young woman had enough sense and self-respect to ignore her aunt’s disgusting advice.

In this case, the guilt strategy, employed by the commenter’s aunt, seeks to gain your sexual compliance by attempting to reinforce beliefs that the perpetrator thinks you already hold: 1) You MUST only date Black men and if you don’t you are betraying the entire “Black race”, 2) You owe it to the “Black race” to have sex with a Black man whether you actually know and trust him or not, 3) Because there are far more BW than BM, you can only “catch” and maintain the interest of a Black man by sexing any and all BM who happen by, 4) This behavior is in no way problematic, until there is a problem – STDs or OOW child(ren), and then it’s all your fault for having listened to such dumb*ss “advice” in the first place.

The guilt strategy is the much darker side of the “help a brotha out” guilt trip that has always been laid at the feet of Black women. But instead of simply handing over your hard earned money to an unemployed leech, you’re handing over your self-respect and dignity, not to mention jeopardizing your future prospects and health, in the process.

Some women also enjoy using the shame strategy against other women. The shame strategy seeks to alter your behavior and sense of morality by implying that there is something inherently wrong with any woman who does not want to share her body with a multitude of random men. This strategy is more likely to be used by women your own age. Such women will use feminist thought and/or the media – via popular TV show characters – to make their case. This allows them to drag you down by convincing you that casual sex/promiscuity is “normal” and necessary to a fulfilling life. 

The guilt and shame strategies do not work in the hands of men, for the reasons I have already given. Women, on the other hand, are able to hide behind either “Black unity” or “feminism”. These closet haters can pretend that they are either “liberating” the sexuality of young women, or making sure that the “Black race” continues to exist. Cause, you know, 1 billion of us world wide isn’t nearly enough. :roll: 

Of course, some of these women are true believers in these causes. As P.T. Barnum once said, “There’s a sucker born every minute.” But a LOT of these women are promoting the casual sex agenda out of competitive jealousy. For such women, it’s all about leveling the playing field.

These are the women who will cry “it’s not fair” and “virgin worship” when you protest casual sex, promiscuity and the aftereffects of this behavior. Since most women know that sleeping around makes them look less than lady-like, some will try to pull as many women on-board that bandwagon as possible, so that their own behavior appears more acceptable, commonplace, even normal. And the best ally that these people can have is the media. The media has done an excellent job of promoting the belief that casual sex is nothing more than good, clean, fun that can somehow lead to love and marriage. I wrote a post on this subject last year.

The reason normalizing casual sex and promiscuity is so important to the social capital of promiscuous women is that it levels the playing field and creates a sense of “fairness” (for them) in the game of love. If every woman is doing the same thing, how can a man say that one woman is better or more marriageable than another. But first you have to get all the other women on board.

If you have never heard of leveling before, I will explain it. When some one possesses a quality or feature that someone else envies but can never possess themselves, they may seek to belittle that quality to make it seem less valuable than they truly believe it to be. If you are a Black woman you are already familiar with this behavior, even if you didn’t know what to call it beyond “hateration”. By doing this, the “hater” can convince themselves and (if they have the power to control the media) others that what they already have is just as good, if not better, than what the person they envy possesses.

Promoting casual sex and promiscuity is an easy way for women who have ruined their reputations to level other women, by convincing them to do the same thing. And those who object – especially Black women, are often vilified. There seems to be a LOT of anger directed at Black women who advise against sexual promiscuity. I can only guess at all the reasons why. I know, from experience, that certain people are afraid of losing their “jezebel” scapegoats, but it’s the others that are more concerning to me.

A lot of this anger comes from Black women who have spent years unsuccessfully trading sex for the HOPE of approval and love from various men. They rarely get it, of course, because their behavior is based in the belief that they are not ENOUGH. They aren’t pretty enough, smart enough, personable/charming enough, to get and keep love, so they try to use sex to close the deal. The problem is, and why it never works, is that ALL women have the same basic equipment, just like all men have the same basic equipment. What makes us all different and special, and the possible love of someone’s life is not to be found in the genital area. And despite popular belief among the DBR crowd, neither sex nor lack of sexual experience can make someone love you.

Being a virgin will not make someone love you. Being easier to make than a peanut butter and jelly sandwich will also not make someone love you. Depending on how you feel about yourself and your interpersonal skills, this will either be great news – greeted with relief, or terrible news – greeted with anger and denial. I hope, for all of you reading this, it is the former.

Too many women refuse to face the simple fact that men are not like women. Sex does not cause them to chemically attach to a woman. When a man falls in love with a woman, Oxycytocin has little or nothing to do with it. So, if you want love, real love, you must be lovable. Not sexy, not a “casual” sex girl, but lovable.

In addition, by engaging in sex with a man before he’s had a chance to develop feelings for you – beyond attraction and lust, you may be sabotaging the possibility of his falling in love with you. And that would be a shame. Especially if you chemically bond with him and fall in love. Once that has happened, it could take you as many as two years to get over that man and move on emotionally. Unless you’ve been “turned out” or hardened by too many bad experiences, that is a very real possibility.

Despite popular belief, a man will only love you for who you are: your personality, your intelligence, your humor, your kindness, your capacity to feel and be loved. No amount of sex will buy you love. but if sex is all you really want from a man, you’ll find plenty of men who are interested in giving that to you. And, most likely, only that.

If you want more from a man – a relationship that will lead to marriage and a family of your own – play it smart, don’t imitate TV show characters (THEY and their lives ARE NOT REAL), or “explore the sexual landscape” with every hairy dick named Tom just because your friends don’t want to be the only “sluts” in your town. Such behavior will get you nothing, but used and discarded, like toilette paper after it’s served its purpose.

It’s important to remember that, no matter what anyone else may claim, ANYTHING that can jeopardize your physical and emotional health, put you at an economic disadvantage (single parenting), and therefore limit your future prospects is not to be treated casually. Treat sex casually at your own risk.

For those who would argue that it is “unfair” that women are judged far more harshly for the same sexual behavior that men are often applauded for, I would respond: You are right, but so what? Life is not, never has been and never will be, fair! That is why we all must take action and create our own opportunities.

I don’t think it’s fair that men cannot become pregnant and be left holding the bag / baby, the way women often are. I don’t think it’s fair that men are rarely held accountable for abandoning their own children, as if their children did not deserve to have a father. You know what else is unfair? Men who have vaginal sex with HIV positive women (who are not menstruating), even without a condom, have an extremely small chance of contracting the AIDS virus, whereas women under the same circumstances have a nearly 100% chance of contracting the virus from a man. That isn’t just unfair, it outright sucks! Especially since some of these guys are poking holes in their condoms in hopes of ensnaring you!

And those issues are far more pertinent to our economic status, personal happiness, and continued existence than whether or not we can stop men (and even women) from judging women who sleep around. Concentrate on what you do control, and that ain’t other people. Take advantage of the many advantages inherent in being a woman. That is what smart women do. You will only gain more when you are wise enough to make the most of what you already have. Appearances and reputation are everything when it comes to getting what you want out of life. Trust me. And the loftier your goals the better your reputation must be. Refuse to believe that at your own risk.

We as BW owe it to ourselves and to our future offspring to be wise in how we conduct our lives, and with whom we risk procreating. We have the power to give a future generation an amazing life, but only IF we play it smart. Engaging in casual sex is the opposite of smart.

About blackfemaleculture

I am an African American woman looking to connect with other African American women who are interested in reinventing a wholesome, empowering culture that feeds the minds and souls of African American women and their children.
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21 Responses to Don’t Fall For the Casual Sex Okey Doke

  1. Tia says:

    “If Black women want a Black man, and they aren’t even virgins, they need to bring something to the table. A Black man can get any woman he wants, why should he settle for you unless he can get something out of it? If a Black woman wants me, she needs to know how to put it down in the bedroom and the kitchen. A real woman knows her place and isn’t too proud to be submissive and cater to her man’s needs.”

    Honestly this strategy is so unattractive, I can hardly stop myself from regurgitating. I have had (key word had) a Black boyfriend who too used to act like he was doing BW as a collective, some big favor by dating them?? It should be no surprised that he got dropped! You are absolutely right that these strategies only work on desperate Black women, and unfortunately way too many BW believe that they are unworthy, and undersirable that they cave to Black male jerks like the one quoted. I do not see these men any differently than any non-Black male who acts as though he is doing a BW a favor by dating her. So WHY would BW take this from BM, and be offended if someone non-Black did the same??? These types of men are not worth ANY BW’s time much less worthy of having her body. What does it even mean to “settle” when a BM chooses a BW, over the countless amount of “other” women he could get?? BW need to realize that men like this are emotional high jackers, who are using BW’s fears of being alone, to get them to do what they want. It is cruel, mean, and degrading, and they will never convince this BW that I deserve anything less than the best treatment. A man like this could never approach a BW with any dignity, and self love with such nonsense. I agree with EVERYTHING in this post!

    P.S. Could anyone tell me what DBR and NBABM means?

    • “I have had (key word had) a Black boyfriend who too used to act like he was doing BW as a collective, some big favor by dating them?? It should be no surprised that he got dropped!”

      GOOD! Sounds like your ex had spent too much time around desperate, low-self esteem NBABM BW. That could convince any guy that they are God’s gift to BW.

      “What does it even mean to “settle” when a BM chooses a BW, over the countless amount of “other” women he could get?? BW need to realize that men like this are emotional high jackers, who are using BW’s fears of being alone, to get them to do what they want.”

      Yep, that’s exactly right. It’s nothing but a ploy such men use to convince BW, who are out of their league, to settle for them. Reverse psychology 101. If they believed that they could do better they would. No one who truly believes that they could do better settles for someone that they do not want.

      “It is cruel, mean, and degrading, and they will never convince this BW that I deserve anything less than the best treatment. A man like this could never approach a BW with any dignity, and self love with such nonsense.”

      No, they could not. Unfortunately, there are a lot of insecure men (of all ethnicities) doing this sort of thing, though non-BM tend to be more subtle. There are books and websites dedicated to helping beta males game women who are out of their league into being with them. However, these guys are told to flatter the woman before insulting her. They even have a name for this “technique”, but I can’t remember it at the moment. As far as I’m concerned, any man who has to break a woman down to get into her panties is a loser, plain and simple.

    • “P.S. Could anyone tell me what DBR and NBABM means?”

      What Jasmine said.

  2. Jasmine says:

    Hi Marcia!
    DBR=Damaged Beyond Repair
    NBABM=Nothing but a Black Man; this describes Black women who will ONLY date and mate with Black men….despite the current dating market.

    Hope this helps!

  3. For some reason my account was acting weird and I was somehow unfollowing you. But it should be fixed now : )

    Anywhoo… This post is so full of #WIN

    Honestly so much stood out but i liked this the most

    “” These are the women who will cry “it’s not fair” and “virgin worship” when you protest casual sex, promiscuity and the aftereffects of this behavior. Since most women know that sleeping around makes them look less than lady-like, some will try to pull as many women on-board that bandwagon as possible, so that their own behavior appears more acceptable, commonplace, even normal. And the best ally that these people can have is the media. The media has done an excellent job of promoting the belief that casual sex is nothing more than good, clean, fun that can somehow lead to love and marriage. I wrote a post on this subject last year.

    The reason normalizing casual sex and promiscuity is so important to the social capital of promiscuous women is that it levels the playing field and creates a sense of “fairness” (for them) in the game of love. If every woman is doing the same thing, how can a man say that one woman is better or more marriageable than another. But first you have to get all the other women on board.”
    and this
    “So, basically, this woman is a sexual compulsive who, instead of getting the counseling that she so desperately needs, wanted to drag me down to her level.”

    Exactly It’s really sick because these people don’t just want to do whatever they want (even though they know they aren’t happy) they have to have some in the gutter with them. This is why bw have to be careful about the friends they have. Some women NEED to see other women suffer with them. As they say misery loves company.

    Great post!

    • “Exactly It’s really sick because these people don’t just want to do whatever they want (even though they know they aren’t happy) they have to have some in the gutter with them. This is why bw have to be careful about the friends they have. Some women NEED to see other women suffer with them. As they say misery loves company.”

      *Nods in agreement* Yes! We really do need to choose our friends well. More than any other group of women, I think. I have had to let a couple of my own childhood friends go over the past few years, because they were only supportive when I was going through difficulties, but were usually angry with me when I was happy and achieving my goals. It was hard to let them go because I’d known them since kindergarten and fourth grade, respectively, but now I’m happier for it.

      I’m glad you enjoyed the post. :)

  4. Moxie says:

    Speak the truth and shame the devil. I love this post.

  5. Moxie says:

    Reblogged this on The Moxie Sophic and commented:
    Every woman young and old needs to read this entry….Thanks Blackfemaleculture for the wonderful post.

  6. Deborah says:

    “Your damaged goods now and you better take what you can get” should be “YOU ARE”. sorry Grammar Nazi here. Followed you over from Moxie Sophie. Great article — really gave me a lot of food for thought. I am always saddened to see young women trying to act like men when they can never be because the biology is different. We need our young women to learn these lessons. Thank you for a great read.

  7. Deborah says:

    BTW following you now :)

    • “Your damaged goods now and you better take what you can get” should be “YOU ARE”. sorry Grammar Nazi here.

      It’s a quote from a “Black love” blog. I edited it for content (removed all offensive language), which is why I didn’t attribute it to its author, but I didn’t correct the spelling.

      ” I am always saddened to see young women trying to act like men when they can never be because the biology is different. We need our young women to learn these lessons.”

      Yes, we do. Way too many BW – especially in my age group (20s)- are in denial that they are not going to be judged the way a man will be for the same behaviors, and obsess over the fairness factor instead of doing what will benefit them most.

      Thank you, for following and commenting. :)

  8. bgurrl says:

    “Why should we want anything less for our sisters, daughters, friends, girlfriends, or wives?””

    And let his daughter come come out saying this mess and he will be like hell to the naw

  9. Tia says:

    Honestly, I had to return to this post to recenter myself, because sometimes I have to wonder if it is just me or have WAY too many people bought into the fantasy of casual, empty sex ending up without any consequences. I almost want to scream from how irritated some coversations about promiscuity make me. So I was talking to a guy friend (and I use the term friend very cautiously) about the fact that I observe myself as being treated better by men than some of the other women I encounter who make themselves easy sex to men. I continued by saying “I respect my body and myself WAY to much to give it away at random, and that I think I am treated better because I know my worth”. I was then rudely interrupted by this man on my phone trying to convince me that there is nothing wrong with a woman that gives up her body to just about everyone, he then went on to say that he knows a lot of guys who end up liking girls who they know every man on the block has been through, and that he would have no problems wifeing a woman who slept around, cause you know, “it’s her past”. He then says that that is what is wrong with OUR community, because White girls can be whores all their lives and end up living happily ever after. O.k.???? I didn’t realize White women had the same realities as Black ones, and I think that may be a bit of an over exaggeration as well. Plus it’s funny how he sees nothing else about White people he thinks we should all be emmulating. *eye rolls* He believes that if the former casual sex girl some how magically stops her promisucous behavior once he’s her man they should be A O.k. Ha! Honestly, I wonder how he imagines that would work itself out in the reality that I live in?? Further he believes that this can happen even if they meet on the basis of “just a f*%k in first place???? Good God. What an incredibly lost man with some delusiional thoughts. Although the conversation made me feel extremely irritated (and itchy), I almost feel more sorry for this individual than not.

    NO ONE with options argues perfusely about all the reasons why he would want to settle down with a former hoodrat unless of course that’s all he could ever hope to get, and needs to argue this nonsense with the sophisticated Black women whose integrity makes him feel threathened, not because he even believes what he is saying, but because he views himself as inferior to me and needs to do what he has to do to cope. Even if that means to lie to himself. When asked if sex is just “nothing” then why would it be important for his partner to stop sleeping around or making porn once their together, he of course he had no real answer than to become defensive and deflect. The amount of Black men in the world that are not in my category sometimes amazes me. Smh My senses tells me that my “friend” probably wants me, and knows for damn sure I am WELL out his league, and this type of argument was more of a strategy to level himself with me, because of course I assume his behavior is no better than the “whores” he’s defending, and he is going to want a woman to pick him up after his history (which I might add I find replusive), and he is attempting to convince me “it’s o.k.” so that I would become the women who does. Umm? Right? This man is lonely (he has told me), unhappy, frustrated, and has NO skills to be in a healthy positive relationship with a decent woman, yet casual sex is being pushed as the best thing that has ever happened on planet earth. I am so grateful that I see through these lies, and that because I do, I have been able to develop the qualities and skills to reach for the best, and I deserve it! The point of this post is simply to acknowledge that White liberal feminist “sex positive” agenda’s, and the push for sex in the media are not only damaging to women, but they are to men too. I wish more and more people would get that, because people are obviously paying the price.

    • WOW. This “friend” of yours is a real piece of work. I’m glad you recognized the game he was trying to run on you. Some of what he said to you had me LOL. Especially this, “He then says that that is what is wrong with OUR community, because White girls can be whores all their lives and end up living happily ever after.”

      The recent rape case in Steubenville should be a wake up call to that fool, and others like him, who believe such delusional nonsense. That girl was called all kinds of whores, sluts and skanks because she DRANK ALCOHOL and passed out. You would have thought that this girl was a known prostitute considering some of the stuff other WHITE PEOPLE were saying about her on Twitter and elsewhere. And I’m sure you have also noticed that when whorey white women do settle down, it’s usually with a wealthy Black guy or other non-White man. If the guy is White, he’s either in the sex-worker industry, someone she’s known since forever who remembers what she used to be like, or a very unattractive man who only cares about her looks. A perfect example is Kendra (can’t remember her last name) who was on Wife Swap a few weeks ago. She used to be Hugh Hefner’s girlfriend for hire, and now she’s a disinterested mother and useless trophy wife to a really stupid / desperate BM – former pro-athlete. The same can be said for MOST of Hef’s other ex-professional girlfriends as well. Coincidence? I doubt it.

      And unless this “friend” of yours has been living under a rock his whole life, he knows that the only reason the BM who marry skanky WW do so is because they are White (and they think that this will make them socially equal to WM), and most such BM can’t get a quality WW, because quality attracts quality regardless of ethnicity. And these are usually the same type of BM have no problem claiming that BW are un-marriageable because they’re not a virgins. So, when a BM argues that BW need to emulate skanky WW behavior they are clearly trying to sabotage BW both socially and romantically. How pathetic can one get? SMH.

      “This man is lonely (he has told me), unhappy, frustrated, and has NO skills to be in a healthy positive relationship with a decent woman, yet casual sex is being pushed as the best thing that has ever happened on planet earth.”

      Every person I know who sleeps around is lonely. Men and women alike. They are doing it to themselves, but I still kind of feel bad for them. I know some are like this for reasons beyond their control and need professional help to stop, but no one else can get that help for them. And in my experience, promiscuous people are VERY defensive about their behavior, so trying to talk them out of continuing in their self-sabotage is a waste of one’s time. Any talk against promiscuity is “virgin worship”, being bougie high fallutin, looking down on folks, religious fanaticism, etcetera and so forth. “How dare you say it’s not the best thing ever!” You get the picture. ;)
      This is just MY experience with such people, online and off.

      “I am so grateful that I see through these lies, and that because I do, I have been able to develop the qualities and skills to reach for the best, and I deserve it!”

      Yes, you do! I wish promiscuous people would recognize that trying to replace true intimacy, love and trust with sex is why they are so alone, even when they’re with someone. It’s sad that there are so many people today who have no idea how to form real connections with other Human beings.

      Thanks for returning to share your experience. :)

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