Limit Personal Drama By Avoiding Fatherless Men

Momma's boy and crazy motherI am sure many will agree, and even more will disagree, that dating a man who was raised by a single mother is a very bad idea. Some will argue that it’s unfair to label all men raised by single moms as inadequate, and that it also casts blame on a mother who struggled alone to do right by her child.

Believe me, the last thing I want to do is blame Black women for the huge number of Black men who refuse to take part in parenting their children – we get blamed enough for the actions of others, but pretending that the epidemic level of fatherlessness is not affecting Black children negatively – well into adulthood, is nothing more than denial.

Consider your own friends and acquaintances. I have noticed, since I was a teen, that girls (like myself) who were raised by their fathers were not getting pregnant or acting desperate for male attention. While those who had single moms usually popped out at least one kid by graduation day, if they even graduated. As adults these fatherless women tend to seek a man with “swag” or “swagger”, whatever the hell that is. (Note: growing up, I was led to believe that SWAG was an acronym, a mafia term, meaning ‘stolen without a gun’.)

And the boys…Those without a positive male role model, which is at least 85% (I’m being generous) of those without their father in the home, end up displaying violent criminal behaviors, sociopathic and misogynistic tendencies, and a deep seated anger. And that anger is always seeking a vulnerable target to destroy. This is usually where Black women and children come in.

Men with proper fathers or father figures, in my experience, are thoughtful, manly, courteous and family oriented. That’s a generalization I know, but this is MY experience. I have never met a man with a proper father who wanted me to pay for a dinner he invited me to (this recently happened to a friend), or failed to open the door for me — car or building, or who blamed “feminism” for all their problems. Men who are raised by real men know how to be real men. The bitchassness that you face as a Black woman, from bitter, angry, fatherless Black men, will not be there when you only associate with quality men raised by quality men.

It has been pointed out to me that the majority of African-Americans are born out of wedlock, and that people of African descent from other nations tend not to have this issue, but generally keep their distance from African-Americans. Making it even harder for a young AA woman looking for a Black husband who was raised by a loving father or positive male role model. The solution to the problem is simple: STOP LOOKING FOR A SPECIFIC SKIN COLOR AND LOOK AT MEN AS INDIVIDUAL HUMAN BEINGS.

When a woman puts a man’s upbringing, character and shared values first, finding an ideal husband becomes simple, almost easy. She stops making the same mistakes in choosing a man, because her criterion is set. Those who do not fit that criterion are never entertained with the notion that they will ever be anything other than an acquaintance. She no longer gives unworthy men “a chance” to waste her time. Which brings me to another point: Do not hide your desire to be married with children.

As the saying goes, “You have to name it to claim it.” Do not make your family values a secret. It’s not a business idea or an escape plan, which should be kept secret. Marriage-minded men appreciate women who want a husband and family; so many women have been trained to deny that they do. The next time you go out on a date with a quality man, and potential husband / father, be honest about what you want. If he’s not ready for marriage and family, or is not interested in having those things with you, you’ll only have wasted one evening on that man, instead of weeks, months or years. I think we have all seen that happened.

I want to add that I’m not saying all men who, through no fault of their own, grew up without a father’s love and guidance are poor husband material. But all things being equal, a fatherless man is more likely to:

  • have an unnatural attachment to his mother, yet hate women; and his mother will likely hate you for taking her place
  • He is more likely to see you as competition instead of a partner in life.
  • He is more likely to be catty, manipulative and/or passive aggressive when you don’t do what he wants.
  • He is more likely to hate and fear feminism; yet, seek to live a feminist lifestyle, with a woman carrying his burdens as well as her own.
  • He is more likely to be deeply insecure and have low self-worth, because he was rejected by his own father. Such a man will seek to bring you down to his level through verbal, emotional and, often, physical abuse.
  • He will probably NEVER trust you, but will test your “loyalty” to him at every turn, while destroying any trust you may have had in him.
  • And he is more likely to be emotionally detached from you and any children you may have together, even if he bothers to marry you.

This description of fatherless men knows no ethnicity. I’ve seen these traits in men who are White, Black and Hispanic. I know a woman who married a fatherless man and, according to her, he displays three of the seven traits listed above, but what bothers her most is the last. They have three children, they all live in the same house, yet she is raising their precious children alone. Don’t let this be you.

Related articles:

A Father’s Love Is One of The Greatest Powers to Impact a Child’s Development By

Another Fatherless Male Attacks… His Own Mother! | Black Female Culture


About blackfemaleculture

I am an African American woman looking to connect with other African American women who are interested in reinventing a wholesome, empowering culture that feeds the minds and souls of African American women and their children.
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102 Responses to Limit Personal Drama By Avoiding Fatherless Men

  1. neurochick says:

    I sort of agree with you BUT. Just because a man has a father in the home doesn’t mean he was a GOOD father. I know plenty of men of all races who were raised by real nasty men. I used to know a man (white) whose father was a racist jerk; sure his father provided for his family but he called black people the “n” word all the time. One of his brothers became a drug dealer and the other one a racist police officer. My friend is still affected by the nonsense that was his family and other things. I guess my point is that you have to take your time to get to know somebody before you even decide you want him to be your husband.

    Just because a man does all the right things, doesn’t mean he’s okay either. A lot of abusers start off by doing the “right thing” by women, I think people used to call Scott Peterson the perfect husband.

    BTW, marriage ain’t the holy grail either.

    • Actually, I never said that a father in the home is a good father. My exact words were:”Men with proper fathers or father figures, in my experience, are thoughtful, manly, courteous and family oriented. That’s a generalization I know, but this is MY experience.” I simply pointed out that a woman can decrease the drama in her life by not dating fatherless men, which is true. And, yes, there are exceptions, but that doesn’t change the fact that the majority of women I have known who have tried to have a healthy relationship with a fatherless man ended up wasting time and energy on a lost cause. For those women who do value marriage and family this is important. Every year that passes is one year closer to menopause and infertility.

      The vast majority of fatherless men I have come into contact with have been troubled, to say the least. Why should any woman waste her limited time on a man she already knows is likely to have more issues than Rolling Stones, when she can choose someone more compatible? What would be the point in that?

    • Kendra Blake says:

      I want to get married and have children before I’m 30, so for me and women like me, marriage is the holy grail. But I don’t dis women who want to be single. I know plenty of women who would rather die alone than continue dating because they have had so many discouraging experiences with men. And most of those men were fatherless. Those women have children out of wedlock before their eggs expire and their sons end up becoming just like the ones who turned them against men and marriage. It’s becoming a cycle. IMHO.

      I don’t know what Scott Peterson has to do with anything, but his relationship with his mother, who is said to have never held her son responsible for anything his entire life, should have been a tip off. Not to mention her reported unjustified contempt for his wife Lacey. If a man’s mother thinks he can do no wrong and you can do no right, watch out! He probably believes it too.

      • Interesting. I have never heard these things about Scott Peterson’s mother before. I’m surprised, since he had a father in the home, that this was allowed to go on. Most men have no tolerance for women who coddle their sons, especially when it’s his son too. And I remember an interview, shortly after the disappearance, where his mother seemed to be very concerned about Lacey. Makes me wonder if she knew what he did.

  2. neurochick says:

    One more thing. A good friend of mine has been with a man since 1996, married to him since 2003. He grew up without a father and with a mother who has a lot of issues. He has stuck with her through heart disease, blindness and a stroke.

    I’ve learned in 52 years living that life is random and if you want to know how a man will be, the best thing to do is take your time and get to know someone. See how he treats others. Is he decent to servers in a restaurant? Does he tip well? Does he believe in a Higher Power? Is he or has he even been in therapy? What does he feel about therapy? Does he smoke, drink, use drugs?

    This is exactly what you said earlier, put a man’s values first before skin color or education or employment or anything. I’m just saying not to turn a man down just because he grew up without a father. Remember most of life is random and many things people just don’t have control of. It’s not what happened to you, it’s how you dealt with it that matters.

    • I can’t agree. Why should a woman date a man with the hope that maybe he will be like your friend’s husband? What are the odds of that happening? I believe in stacking the odds in one’s favor. Life is random, but when you make wise decisions the outcomes are more likely to be favorable.

      • Kendra Blake says:

        I could not have said it better.

      • neurochick says:

        All I’m saying is that making sweeping generalizations don’t work. I once met someone who told me he was surprised that I was nice. Why? Because he thought most black women were nasty and had bad attitudes. That’s what happens when you make generalizations. Are you in such a rush to marry that you don’t want to wait to get to know somebody?

        • I was married in June, so the answer to your question is no. When I was single, and available, I never came across a single fatherless man who possessed the values and character traits that I admire in men. Not one. I do not believe in coincidence.

          There is a huge difference between believing racist-misogynist stereotypes, that are largely spread by Black men to taint the image of Black women (visit YouTube sometime), and protecting yourself from having your time wasted by incompatible men, all for the sake of political correctness. You are comparing apples to oranges. Also, a woman can just as easily “get to know” a man who was raised by two loving parents, as one who was not.
          Not sure why you feel the need to champion fatherless men and put down marriage. Am I missing something? 😕

  3. neurochick says:

    I don’t understand how not making generalizations about people is the same as putting down marriage. I agree with you. People should take the saying: “don’t look for bread in a hardware store” to heart. I went to a college where many women went for the purpose of finding a husband. Many of these women were living in a fantasy world and didn’t see the men for who they really were. We were all dazzled by external things and sweet words.

    BTW, I’ve come across many men who grew up without fathers and they do have values. When I was in my thirties I might have agreed with you, but now that I’m in my 50’s, I can’t. The older I get, the more I learn and the more I’m surprised.

    • “I don’t understand how not making generalizations about people is the same as putting down marriage.”

      It’s not. Just like not dating someone, because they come from a family background you would not want for your own child, is not the same as believing stereotypes based on ethnicity and gender. There’s nothing racist or misandrist about not dating fatherless men. Like I said before, apples and oranges.

      You have referenced marriage in a way that indicates you take issue with it and the women who want it. “…marriage ain’t the holy grail either” “Are you in such a rush to marry that you don’t want to wait to get to know somebody?”

      Do you believe marriage and family have no value? And why the emphasis on waiting to get know a fatherless man? I got to know my husband just fine, as well as both of his parents, siblings, an uncle, two aunts, five cousins and all of his friends before he even popped the question. It’s just as easy to get to know a fathered man as a fatherless one.

      “BTW, I’ve come across many men who grew up without fathers and they do have values.”

      I don’t doubt this, everyone has values. But the only ones I focused on while husband hunting were mine. I was only interested in a man who shared my values, goals and beliefs. I refused to lower my standards or compromise my values to meet a lesser man half-way.

      I have known fatherless men who seemed relatively “nice” but that didn’t change the fact that they did not share my values, beliefs and goals. And keep in mind, I use to date several men at the same time, all the time, before I would become serious with any one man and become exclusive and intimate. Fatherless men were always too impatient, and wanted to go from “hello, nice to meet you” to talking about sex that was never gonna happen. 😆

      I think you may underestimate how different men in my age group (20s) are from the ones you knew when you were my age. Even some of the older ones are sketchy. I can remember being hit on by a middle-aged man when I was still a kid.

    • *enchante* says:

      Sometimes, if the woman doesn’t have a father for her child, as long as she has good men in the life of the boy who are married and stayed married, he could end up ok…..also, its better if a boy was from a divorced family than being from a complete fatherless one–he might even have issues with woman in general starting with his mother. The best thing sometimes for women to do is to put the boy up for adoption in a 2 parent home

  4. neurochick says:

    “I think you may underestimate how different men in my age group (20s) are from the ones you knew when you were my age. ”

    I think you have a point there. When I was a teen, all of the young men I knew grew up in homes where both parents were in the home. If a young man didn’t grow up with a father or a mother, there were people who they could visit who did have both parents there. Meaning, they had the opportunity to see what a husband/wife relationship was like. Today more children are growing up in one parent homes, and I’m not talking about a situation where the father died, I mean where the mother chose to have a child without a husband. So many of these children don’t have an opportunity to see a husband/wife relationship and that does affect them later on.

    I’ve been hit on by middle aged men when I was a kid too, so that man was probably born in the 1940’s.

    I do not have a problem with marriage. At all. BUT, if your focus is on getting the ring, and not the husband, there will be an issue. What I mean is that some women are more focused on having a husband, so they don’t care WHO the man is. About 20 years ago I met a man who I dated and wanted to marry me, but I said no because he sort of let on that he was more interested in my health insurance than me. Yuk. But I do know women who just want husbands and they don’t care who and what the men are. Too many Black women will say to me, “I won’t marry a man UNLESS he’s Black.” I think that attitude is foolish because a man’s race doesn’t determine his values,

    Look, for me, I don’t date men who drink excessively because that could be a problem later. And I don’t want to stick around to see that. I know women who won’t date men with physical disabilities, so everybody has boundaries and it may not be PC to have some of them, but you have to do what you can to protect yourself.

    • Kendra Blake says:

      It’s nice to know that a fellow Black woman – I assume, thinks so little of other Black women. If you’re concerned about Black women marrying just to get “the ring”, why the heavy push toward fatherless men, who in my experience, do not want to get married at all?? They usually see no value in being a husband and father, even when they are wealthy and successful (see P. Diddy). I have relatives who are fatherless and are proud to be baby daddies to numerous illegit children, but they NEVER brag about paying child support or actually do anything to improve their children’s lives, and become absolutely hostile if you bring up the matter. And this behavior is not unusual. Which is why any intelligent woman is going to avoid fatherless men.

      • “Which is why any intelligent woman is going to avoid fatherless men.”

        Actually, many intelligent women do not avoid fatherless men. They turn their brains and instincts off for the sake of being “fair” to men they owe nothing. This behavior is part of the larger problem.

        • *enchante* says:

          Just because a LADY is intelligent–she STILL has to be able to TEST MEN–and see what they are like—they think, that if they have a PhD, they could ‘help’ the men. BTW GOOD MEN wont take her help and want to help her but the bums would

        • There are two kinds of smarts – common sense and book smarts. In the black community are a lot of women that are book smart… very well educated in a formal sense. However, they have the common sense of a doorknob and as my grandpa used to say “can’t think their way out of a paper bag with both ends open.” A large component of the thinking you describe – the sacrifice of self to uplift, support, and submit to the black male – are lessons learned in our religious institutions. Black women believe they owe black men their loyalty, time, energy and support for no reason other than they are men. Of course it makes no sense when examined logically as you have done. Great piece by the way. I nodded my head in agreement as I read the list. Absolute 100% TRUTH.

          • Thank you, Deborrah. I’m glad you stopped by. 🙂

            “In the black community are a lot of women that are book smart… very well educated in a formal sense. However, they have the common sense of a doorknob and as my grandpa used to say “can’t think their way out of a paper bag with both ends open.””

            This had me laughing hard. Very true.

  5. NicholeT says:

    I don’t understand how any woman who cares about Black women could encourage them to settle for a man and situation they do not want or need. If fatherless men are so the bomb why aren’t you married to one? You say your 52, are you married? Have you been married? Do you have legitimate children?

    You kind of remind me of the many NBBM Black women I come across online who claim that there are plenty of “good” BM out there if only BW weren’t so educated, gold-digging, have attitudes, [insert additional stereotypes] to ever meet any of them. Despite your pretty words, it’s obvious that you do want young BW to go “searching for bread at a hardware store.”

    Love the post! I totally agree with every single word!

    • I do not think that neurochick is a NBBM woman. I do think that she is overly concerned about “fairness” in a context where it does not belong. Dating is not, nor is it meant to be, “fair”.

  6. neurochick says:

    No, I’m not married nor do I have any children because I didn’t want to be a single mother. My feeling was that my mom wasn’t a single mother, why should I be one? I really didn’t want to get married, it was never a goal of mine. I felt if it happens, it happens. I wanted to have a career and I have one.

    My point is that if you want to get married, find a good man. A good man will want to marry you, but a man who wants to marry you might not be a good man.

    BTW, I do have an education and a good job and yes, a LOT of BM have complained that I’m “too educated.”

    I don’t get what the anger is about. I never said that a BW should just marry any old man. I just said that there are other things to consider than just a man not having a father that might make him not marriage material. Maybe I’m TOO picky.

    What I have to learn at 52 is that the world for young BW is different than it was for me when I was in my 20’s. There are a lot more SBM out here (sorry Black men) than before.

    • “if your focus is on getting the ring, and not the husband, there will be an issue. What I mean is that some women are more focused on having a husband, so they don’t care WHO the man is.”

      This was not an issue for me, or my mother, or any other woman I have ever known. You can’t sleep next to a ring, have children and share a life with a ring. I think Kendra has a point. You do seem to be underestimating the intelligence and common sense of younger Black women.

      “…I just said that there are other things to consider than just a man not having a father that might make him not marriage material.”

      Of course, there are other factors to consider in separating the wheat from the chaff, so to speak. But you do realize that I would have to pretty much write a 500+ page book to cover each and every one. A blog post needs to be specific. But be assured, I will be discussing other factors in future posts. 🙂

      I started with fatherless men, because I see far too many Black women, of all ages, wasting decades on such men and getting nowhere fast. There is great power in being specific about what you want, and having the courage to take a stand for it.

      Two years ago, I decided that I wanted to get married and I decided exactly what I wanted my husband to be like – mentally, spiritually, financially, and socially. These were not just goals but MUSTS, just like getting married became a must for me. And any man who was not what I wanted was immediately dismissed without sentiment. I met my husband 7 months after I made the decision to get married. I dated more than 3 dozen men (during that period) who ALL fit my criterion, but he was the one. My one. The love of my life.

      Black women do themselves no favors by trying to be “fair” to others at their own expense. Do you see ANY men saying, “That woman is not what I want at all, but I’m going to wine and dine her, introduce her to my family and friends and have a hollow relationship her, just to protect her feelings”? No, and you never will. Why? Because people who respect themselves do not allow their time to be wasted. It’s time for Black women to start respecting themselves in the same way all men, and most other women, do.

      “No, I’m not married nor do I have any children because I didn’t want to be a single mother. My feeling was that my mom wasn’t a single mother, why should I be one?”

      Proud of you for this. I’ve seen stats that say about 45% of BW who have never been married are childless. Not bad, but that percentage needs to increase. If all the stats are correct, it would indicate that the other 55% of BW who are having OOW children are having 2 or more! This is not good for anyone, least of all the children.

      “What I have to learn at 52 is that the world for young BW is different than it was for me when I was in my 20′s. There are a lot more SBM out here (sorry Black men) than before.”

      There certainly are. 😆

      This video offers a perfect example of what I mean by turning goals into musts:

    • NicholeT says:

      Maybe I am a little angry. I have family and friends telling me to give random losers a chance just about every day. Just one example: My friend’s brother is getting out of jail soon and she wants me to spend time with him because I would be a good influence. No thank you! I no what your saying is not the same thing, but the pressure to give chances to guys you want nothing to do with feels the same whatever the situation may be.

      • This friend of yours sounds like she’s trying to set you up to be used by her jailbird brother. A true friend wants what is best for you. Your friend is only looking out for her brother. Those two things are not mutually exclusive. We can’t choose our family members, but we can certainly choose our friends.

        • CHER! says:

          Precisely…A male just getting out of prison is not going to be anything but an albatross around your neck NicholeT…Avoid at all cost! Furthermore, like BFCulture alluded to, PLEASE reevaluate your associations…

  7. Dee says:

    I am a divorced single mother and read you article prepared to disagree. Unfortunately, you described my ex husband to a “T”! Now I am focusing on the men that I know who are effectively the ‘exceptions that prove the rule”. I am hopeful that they will share information that will let me spare my sons from contributing to the drama.

    • I’m pleased to hear that there are men in your life who can help you guide your sons into manhood. I have known quite a few boys, growing up, whose lives could have been so much different today if they’d had that.

  8. (Neurochick reminds me of the people -surprisingly, other BW!!- that I have to ban, on the daily at my FB page Black Women With Other Brothers!)

    @Black Female Culture thank you so much for this wonderful article I have just posted this on my FB page with a caveat “100% Zero Troll Policy” cause I am so sick of kneegrows who insist that Black women be fair! Bump that. Nothing fair but the weather.

    The only way I would even consider dating a fatherless man is he’d have to go to therapy (before we met) and would have had positive male role models not Uncle Pookie the jailbird. Otherwise, they don’t even come across my radar.

    The Black collective just has to get over it and all those whiny fatherless men who hate on Black women, welp, they can go take their drama and neurosis to the so-called white women they claim they can get and good luck with that.

    • Thank you for sharing my post! I really appreciate it. And thanks again for warning away trolls!

      I’m glad you enjoyed the post. Yeah, I believe the main reason many Black people want to make dating fatherless men a positive option is the enormous number of fatherless BM around today. If you say you won’t date a fatherless man, they know the odds are against you dating a BM. That is, if he’s in my age group. So, it’s completely about being fair to BM. Which is ridiculous! No one has a right to be a part of anyone else’s personal life. No one should disregard what they want in a mate and a relationship for the sake of being PC. Life’s too short.

      • As you may know from running this site and I’m quickly discovering at mine on FB, the needs and desires of BW are not considered, period we are to stay with BM no matter what, or be alone but heavens forbid not swirl and with ‘us’ deep into our 3rd generation of fatherlessness, Blackistan is on the defensive now that so many BW are on the move.

        What I think will happen is…BM will have no choice but to improve. If they can’t get a BW (the horror) what will they do? They will have to RISE UP AS MEN as with us it’s the women policing community standards.

        And hell YES some older BW are encouraging younger BW to pop out babies without husbands or even a decent way to make a living! Are we so dysfunctional as a people that we consider fathers obsolete??

        Frankly aren’t many BW broke?? Why the heck would they be having kids without a husband and being broke?? To me that is beyond selfishness!

        • Yes, it “is beyond selfishness” to not only have a child that you can’t afford to raise in safety and comfort, but to purposely deprive them of the advantages that come with having a loving and emotionally invested father… It is completely irrational! What gets me most are the older women pushing this ideology; some have used wealthy celebrity women having children with wealthy celebrity men as proof that it can work out. 🙄 I tend to expect that type of reasoning from a teenager – and not the smart ones, but never from women over 40 who should know better.

          People do what they consider a must, so BM may someday “rise up as men” if the majority of BW reject their trifling ways, but with so many BW completely devoid of any self-respect or even a sense of self-preservation, it could take a another three generations for that to happen. 😦

        • *enchante* says:

          You said “some older BW are encouraging younger BW to pop out babies without husbands or a decent way to make a living?!” it sure isn’t ME—-LOL . We are 3 generations deep in this nonsense–with no strong men to handle and bring these boys to maturity. My daughter seen her sisters go thru silliness with random males, but she doesn’t want to do the same. She has only 1 niece/nephew younger than her (i’m hubbys 3rd marriage) As far as i know she is still a virgin–simply because her sisters and my sis in laws are unable to take the BC pill without getting sick–and you could catch HPV without intercourse…etc.IMO sex is just too risky unless you are a BRIDE and he as been checked, etc.

  9. BoB says:

    Good evening. I’m a WM, 61 years young who just recently lost my AA wife after 21 years. I hope you don’t mind my nickels worth. My wife raised 3 boys, 1 girl mostly by herself. They are all DBR as far as respect towards women goes. Although 2 of the 3 boys have been married, divorced, and shacked up several times. These men all in thier 40’s have nothing to show for themselves except prison records, an average of 13 oow kids each, except 1 who has 5 that are ligitimit, but fatherless. They have no values, do have anger issues, and no respect for anyone in athourity. All of them are forced to pay support for the kids. I’m sure if there had been a man in their lives growing up this would have been somewhat better. As it was, my wife did the best she could and they turned out poorly. In my own case, my father passed away when I was 17, my little brother was12. I turned out ok, never been in trouble(never git caught) but my little brother, being raised from 12 by just Mom, turned out not so good. Dropped out of school, went from job to job, wouldn’t listen to anyone, just a deadbeat looking for handouts and someone to support. I believe if our father had lived, he would have turned out at least as good as me. I agree with your post, and hope my experences help your readers understand that Dad in the house DOESn make a difference.

    • Thank you for this comment, Bob! It’s always good to get a male perspective on issues like this. Too often I come across women, some of them old enough to be my mother, who are very deep in denial about the consequences of raising children without their father’s involvement. They always claim that their children “turned out fine”, yet they never detail what they mean by “fine”. In addition, I have noticed an increase in the number of older BW encouraging young BW to forgo marriage and simply become baby mamas; as if having children is just about the mother and her need for love and a sense of family. I was really quite shocked when I first discovered this trend, which is usually disguised as feminism and/or sexual liberation. The children that result – who they will be, how they will be – seems to be an afterthought.

      I’m sure that your wife and your mother, who did not choose to parent alone, did the very best that they could for each of their children, but no amount of mothering can replace fathering. Mothers and fathers have different roles to play, different parenting styles, and different energies. Most children require both to grow up emotionally stable.

    • *enchante* says:

      13 OOW KIDS EACH?!?!====oy VEY!!

  10. Ilene says:

    in all fairness that means that quality men should avoid women who grew up without fathers because they too come with a boatload of issues. I have friends and relatives whos grew up without their fathers and I hear I dont need a man i can do it myself. men aint s***. yadda yadda yadda. One girl I baby sat who is now 33 was dating a guy who was an engineer making 6 figures. he wanted to move her out to cali where he was . she worked for the goverment so her job was transferable. she balked. they eventually broke up because he got tired of hearing her i dont need a man mantra. so at the end of the day quality men dont want their chops busted by a woman who cant get paat her father abandonment issues who fighra him in the relationship

    • Ilene says:

      sorry for the typos writing on a touchscreen .

      • Ilene says:

        P.S. the engineer wanted to marry my young friend not shack up.

        • Yes, I know, we all probably know, at least one BW who feels that way and says those things. What does that have to do with the topic of my post? My blog is called Black Female Culture, I am not concerned with who ANY man chooses to date or marry. That is their problem. This post was written to help BW, not men. I do not care about “fairness”. And if you’d bothered to read any of the previous comments, you’d realize that “fairness” in choosing a mate is completely irrelevant to me. If a fatherless BW finds and falls in love with a quality man, as far as I am concerned, that is a good thing. Her future children won’t have to suffer the way that she most likely did growing up.

  11. Ilene was back, and needed a little more attention than I was willing to give. I sent her packing. Bye!

    • “Ilene” most likely is a man trolling you know how they do!
      And heck yes men have the option not to date fatherless women! I’m lucky that my parents were married (later divorced), yet your topic is Avoiding Fatherless men.

      Isn’t it funny (not really) how the cheerleaders of Black dysfunction always find their way to pages like this? Bunch of bored unemployed kneegrows bitter that a BW escaped Blackistan. They can leave too but they choose not to.

  12. Zab Rah says:

    You start off appearing to make a good point, but as usual with any feminist (especially Black), you quickly sink into the an abyss of ignorance.

    • BoB says:

      Are you for real? Were you raised in a fatherless environment? If you were then you may have an idea of what is being talked about. If not, what gives you the right to come in here and bash the Blog Mistress? I have personal experience from my own family, as well as my late wife’s 4 kids, all in their 40’s now and all worthless as teats on a boar. All are felons, all use and abuse drugs, can’t hold a job, have oodles of kids, and this is just 4 shining examples out of how many fatherless kids growing up and becoming complete failures. Sure there may be a few here and there that make it, I know a few of them too. But the vast percentage of children that are grown today are DBR, and will continue to carry on this habit of popping out babies, and leaving the OOW mothers to raise them alone. Oh, before I forget I’m not giving a free pass to the girls/women in this either. You NEED to practice some kind of birth control because it’s sure as hell the men will not do it.

      • Can you believe this guy? Who does he think he’s kidding? He’s just worried some woman he knows will read my post and think twice about giving his sorry self the time of day. And yes, young BW (and even some older ones) definitely need to stop reproducing with reprobates. You cannot turn a sow’s ear into a silk purse; too many BW are being brainwashed, from birth, to believe that they can re-raise grown men to be whatever they really want them to be. It’s absolute bull crap!

        • BoB says:

          I agree with you 100 percent. But sometimes it’s hard to remember your original purpose was to drain the swamp. After all, they suffer from at least one physical handicap.” You know that ‘Y’ chromosome of theirs. I’d expect better thinkin’ than that out of a plate of cottage cheese! Bunch of stuck-in-the-mud patriarchal male chauvinists, the lot of them A loathsome, disgusting, toadlike gigolo who homes in on vicious gossip and rumors like a buzzard homing in on carrion. Three-quarters of their information comes from bored, wealthy troublemakers with the moral fiber of old alley cats in heat, at least half of whom have scores of their own to settle with someone.

    • Hello Zab Rah. I thank you, sincerely, for giving my readers a sneak peak into the mind they may find themselves dealing with should they choose to ignore my advice. As I said in my post, fatherless males blame “‘feminism’ for all of their problems”. You have presented yourself here as a perfect example of this mentality. Who else would ASSume that a woman – “(especially Black)”, who recognizes how damaged they are and warns other women MUST be a feminist. 🙂
      As for your pitiful attempt at an insult, I bet you were up all night trying to come up that one. 😆

  13. BoB says:

    There’s got to be at least someone somewhere that aren’t going to lose their assets before she gets around to telling her son or daughter Oh by the way, we’re actually secret agents for the Trollidelphia Secret Alignment Organization. Here’s your secret decoder kit. Be ready to be contacted by the Blackistan Evil Overlord on Frequency X with orders to betray the society you’ve been raised all your life to think of as your own.

  14. LOL at “Trollidelphia Secret Alignment Organization” and “Blackistan Evil Overlord on Frequency X”.

    • BoB says:

      You like that huh? Well, I’ve come to the conclusion If they don’t see it our way, they’ll have to admit their precious spokespeople couldn’t even organize an orgy in a whorehouse!

  15. CherieAMour says:

    I am with a guy now that had a father in the household but he barely ever communicated with his kids and left the family completely when he found another woman so I am going to put this guy in the “fatherless” category. As time is going on, I am seeing things I do not care for and sometimes I wonder if I am being to harsh because I have this idea of the “real man” I want. I’m younger than him, I’m only 21 but I know I would most likely want something else. Sometimes I find this guy to be too whiny about things and I feel that he focuses on trivial things to whine about that most men would not focus on. For instance, he once made a whiny comment about his new generation of younger cousins and how they get more gifts from his uncles and their wives than he and his sister did when they younger, despite the fact that his uncles were a lot younger than his mother when he was little. Another thing is that he is very close to his mother, which I don’t mind but I think he takes it over board sometimes. He includes his mother in almost everything and can’t seem to make a decision without her somehow being involved. He also lives above in an apartment upstairs from his mom in a 2 flat, I’ve asked when he thinks he will branch off on his own completely and the way he answered sounds like he is waiting for a woman to get serious with him and move with her before he does it. He has also shown questionable behavior towards me. These things aren’t all too terrible just things I don’t care for. I think I would do better with a man that was actually guided by his father throughout his life. They tend to have the qualities I want.

    • @CherieAMour. The description that you gave of your boyfriend is troubling. He sounds emotionally needy, immature and irrational. These are not qualities that lead to lasting, healthy relationships. And you’re right, you can have a father in the house but if there’s no father-child bonding and guidance the child is still left fatherless.

      You said, “These things aren’t all too terrible just things I don’t care for.”
      Please, do not wait for things to get to the terrible stage before ending this relationship. When you smell smoke, do you wait for the fire to reach your location before attempting to leave the building? No. You leave as soon as you realize you may be in danger. That is what you need to do here.

      You said, “I think I would do better with a man that was actually guided by his father throughout his life. They tend to have the qualities I want.”
      Yes. Most definitely.

      One more thing. Be sure to end this relationship in a public place, like a restaurant, so that he won’t be tempted to act a fool. Afterwards, DO NOT communicate with him, try to be friends with him, accept his phone calls, text messages or emails. This may sound extreme, but when you dump a man who is needy, immature and irrational it’s better to err on the side of caution.

  16. Pingback: The Media’s Promiscuity Hard Sell Is Destroying Our Culture | Black Female Culture

  17. @Mind your business a.k.a. “Scumbag troll with self-control issues”

    If I was willing to post foul language, I definitely would have posted your filth laden rant, as a great example of why fatherless men (generally) aren’t worth the time of day. But as it stands you will have to be content with your fake email & real IP address being made famous. Have a nice life!

  18. I just want to say I am new to weblog and honestly loved you’re page. Almost certainly I’m want to bookmark your website . You actually come with excellent article content. Appreciate it for sharing with us your website.

  19. GL says:

    I’m a fatherless man myself (only child) and I’m afraid you’re right. Avoiding fatherless men is the most sensible form of natural selection you can have. It’s a sad state of affairs. I feel like I’ve got a life sentence for a crime I didn’t commit. However, I have to admit that my friends who were raised in a proper family are better relationship material. They’re just more reliable, mature and stable. Despite all that, I’m not an asshole and I consider that my major achievement.

  20. Reese says:

    I was a single mother and worried about my sons development constantly……. Now I don’t, have 2 words………Barack Obama!

    • I did not write this post to hurt anyone’s feelings, certainly not women who were knocked up and then abandoned by deadbeats, BUT using Barack Obama as an example of a good man who was raised by a single woman is completely disingenuous.

      Barack Obama was raised, for a time, by his mother and step-father, then he was sent to live with his grand father and grand mother (his mother’s parents). The time that he spent with just his mother – alone – was so short that he likely doesn’t even remember much about it. He even said in one of his books that his step-father had great influence on the man that he has become. But you needn’t take my word for it. Read his first book “Dreams from My Father: A Story of Race and Inheritance” or his second book, “The Audacity of Hope: Thoughts on Reclaiming the American Dream”. I believe he mentions his childhood and upbringing in both. 🙂

    • Please @Reese! The President’s dad was a bum and he was raised by a white mother and white grandparents. BP did not raise him he was not raised by a black single mother folks need to remember that! He also lived internationally. NOPE nope nope sorry BW single mothers don’t to claim him. You had better have some good grandparents around like the President did!

  21. Reese says:

    First of all I’m not black and I believe the author was clear when she said the description of fatherless men had no ethnicity!!!!

    My point was that PB was a fatherless man, yet he is a great father and a lovely husband. As such fatherless man needn’t be written off, lots of men raised by single parents (fatherless) may have other influences growing up too, it doesn’t end just because the father is not around.

    The nuclear family is not as common in today’s society and the family unit has a rising prevalence of other family arrangements. I believe all women of all ethnicity should claim BP and see the possibilities and hope in a not so ideal family situation. If you raise your children well, to be worldly, God fearing and respectful your child could be a President or great man too.

    With faith hard work and the love of God any bad can become a great.

    Not to be judgmental or condone men who leave women to raise children alone, but a lot of the single mothers I see and know off tend to take short cuts when raising their children and seem to have a since of entitlement making excuses for their poor parenting and choices, and I believe this is the result of badly behaved adults(men)

    There are many cultures that leave child rearing to women and the men do not play a role, yet these cultures turn out great men. I think the problem here might be something here, quite frankly I think it’s a shame that we live in a system that such a high percentage of men cannot support their children without the government enforcing child support!!!!!!!!

  22. Kendra Blake says:

    I come across Black people who think this way all the time. They’re crazy! Why is it so hard for some people to face the fact that having children out of wedlock, or even in wedlock with a man who is incapable of being a real father to his children, is a very bad idea? Why cling to the fantasy of great single parenting? I know single parents do the best that they can, but it’s usually not enough. We don’t even need statistics to prove that. Look around! Who’s standing on street corners harassing, raping and killing BW and BG? Who’s keeping the prisons full?

    Aside from the fact that Obama was NOT raised by a single mother, he was also not raised in a ghetto environment surrounded by BM who’s greatest aspiration in life was to become ballers or rappers, and have sex with as many “females” as possible. Children aspire to be like the same-sex adults around them, and if your children’s role models are hood trash, good luck! You’ll need it.

    Using Obama as inspiration is fine, but using him as an excuse, as many BW with OOW children are now doing, is just plain delusional.

  23. Reese says:

    And just an FYI my Sons father (ex husband) was raised by his mother and father along with his siblings yet has all the characteristics you listed for a fatherless man, the weird thing is his brothers and even his twin brother turned out just fine.

    His parents were both religious and educated yet he was damaged goods, cheat, user, violent and a terrible father. It’s exhausting just thinking about him and what a mess he was.

    • Yes. I’m sure he was, but that doesn’t change what I think nor what I wrote. As I said, he was not a fatherless man. He was raised by both a stepfather and a grandfather. A quote from my post –> “Men with proper fathers or father figures, in my experience, are thoughtful, manly, courteous and family oriented.” The President being a loving husband and father is not a surprise. Because he was raised by men, not a lone woman.

  24. Reese says:

    @ Kendra, I totally agree with you. And you have clearly pointed out other factors that can make a man a poor lifetime partner. I think women need to focus on the negative characteristics rather than just labeling and generalizing.

    • I agree with Kendra as well. I don’t expect you to understand this, because (as you’ve stated) you are not Black, but when you are dealing with a group of men whose dysfunction is so dangerously commonplace, mainly because they are the third generation of OOW children in their family (so no grandpa to help carry the missing father’s load), the safest bet for a smart woman is to generalize and avoid.

    • @Reese you smell like a BM they usually pop up on threads like this, ridiculous. If you were on my FB page I would have shut you down, deleted and banned you. You’re defending a culture that does not work for BP. Yup, you’re a BM. Out of all the billions of pages on the internet you are stuck on this one. I also see BM popping up on all sorts of discussions usually to defend a dysfunctional way of life that paints them in a realistic fashion. Good luck with that. You’re invited to try this on my page, please.

    • Kendra Blake says:

      Reese, you are such a troll!
      Black female culture you seriously need to consider banning this person. They’re trying to pull the same crap as that neurochick person upthread, and they aren’t even Black! If you’re not Black why are you here trying to push your point of view on Black women?

  25. Yes, ladies, I am also suspicious that this is a troll. Not because of the published comments, but the other three comments waiting in my moderation queue this morning (that will never see the light of day). I believe that she is likely a BM (as BlackWomenwithOtherBrothers has suggested) or she could be what she says she is: a non-BW. But I believe her motive, in either case, is to convince BW to stick with BM and stay away from non-BM. Why? Her last two queued comments just seems a little to desperate to convince me that avoiding fatherless men is a form of “discrimination” and that fatherless men, with a little effort on your part, could be wonderful husbands and fathers. Nope. That line of thought does not sell here. NO ONE has the power to change another Human being. NO ONE. Only fools believe otherwise.

    “And God knows that BP already face discrimination as it is.”
    ~Reese (from 2nd queued comment)

    That is something that a non-BP can actually work to do something about, believe it or not. Oh, that’s right. I almost forgot. In the third queued comment Reese says, “Just an FYI I am mixed race, my father was a Jewish man and my mother Nigerian!”

    Okay. Whatever. Not buying it. Goodbye Reese!

  26. @Reese
    Do yourself a favor and find a new blog to haunt. Insulting me and my “intelligence” will not get you and your pro-baby momma / fatherless men views additional publicity. There are plenty of blogs in cyberspace that eat up dysfunction with a spoon, so take your long and plentiful comments to one them!

  27. Pingback: The Difference Between Discrimination and Discernment | Black Female Culture

  28. LorMarie says:

    Wow, this is a catch-22 for me. I agree that fatherless men are more likely to be problematic. At the same time, the same can be said of fatherless daughters which could backfire on black women. In addition, Dr. Laura advises men not to get involved with women that were sexually abused in their past. I can understand their points but it’s still kind of sad that people will be excluded as marriage partners because their fathers abandoned them or because of the abuse they suffered.

    But does that mean people shouldn’t use caution when choosing life partners? No. We have to be realistic. To sum it all up, this is one of those issues where we all must decide for ourselves and use wisdom.

    • I HATE Dr. Laura, but as the saying goes, ‘even a broke clock is right twice a day’. She has a point. I don’t know anyone from a sexually abusive background who skipped counseling and went on to have a successful romantic relationship. But I do know people who got help and are now happily married.

      I think that everyone, but especially Black women, should be wary of people from abusive backgrounds who have not gotten the therapy that is necessary to overcome the emotional and psychological damage done to them. And it’s not always direct abuse that affects people. Men and women who grew up with domestic violence between parents are very iffy bets as life partners. Famous examples of the untreated are Rihanna, Chris Brown, Halle Berry, Marilyn Monroe and Rita Hayworth.

    • BW need therapy gawd knows I’ve had plenty I advocate that instead of church. When one is vetting one can’t do favors sure some men pass up on fatherless women (as they should if they have certain standards) and thems the breaks. I’ve meet some very broken women who refuse therapy. BP in general reject therapy. I do believe thats why so many BW are mixed-up, they’ve been sexually abused. Adding that with fatherlessness equals a whole lot of unmarried/uncoupled women=lacking vetting skills to avoid dysfunctional men.

      I’m a child of divorce I’m sure some men passed on me due to that yet I’ve been perfect for other men when they learned how much therapy I’ve had and how I worked to overcome my upbringing. I usually pass by fatherless men even before they tell me they are, its the way they behave (misogynistic, emotionally unavailable and or mama’s boys). I have no guilt either.

  29. christina says:

    I wanted to cry after reading this. You were right about the traits of fatherless men in my case. I believed they would be different from their fathers. So many promises made and after my children were born it was nothing but hell with these men. My children have been abandoned. The very thing their fathers said they would never do because their own dad did it and they did it after all. I am embarrassed that I have out of wedlock children who have been abandoned.

    I foolishly looked for the good and believed in potential. I thought if I was supportive, nonjudgemental and loving to my mates, that it would conquer the trauma of being abandoned by their fathers and raised by abusive and dysfunctional mothers. I was very wrong.

    I am doing my best to raise my children to value family and marriage despite what they have witnessed from my choices. It pains me to think about my naivety and desperation to be loved by broken men, that I could cause my children to continue this cycle of madness. I work hard everyday to instill in my son values and I pray he breaks the cycle.

    • Black women are programmed from birth to look for “potential” and it’s total hogwash. No other group of women on the planet are told to only seek potential, because potential is not enough. Everyone on planet earth has potential, whether or not individuals choose to live and work up to that potential is always a question. Forget “potential” look for someone who is already what you want and need NOW. You have a son, and he needs a proper male role model. Find him a mentor — doesn’t matter if he’s Black, White, Hispanic or Asian, but he must be a family man (happily married) and a good example of who you would like your son to be. Could be a family member or a friend, or even a well-vetted volunteer. Most parts of the country have mentoring programs for boys.

      I know it pisses off many single mothers to hear what I’m about to write, but you seem open-minded, so here it is: A mother cannot replace their child’s father. Children need both male and female energies. The more positive both energies are the better the child will turn out. All you can really do is continue being a responsible and loving mother, find a good male role model for you son to emulate and pray that it is enough. That’s it. That’s all.

      The same is true for your daughter. You said that you had “children” but only mentioned your son, so I am assuming there is a daughter as well. In her case you are the female role model she will most likely emulate, even if she doesn’t really want to, it will become hard wired in time — just as it was with her and her brother’s fathers. It is so important for you to choose better men in the future, so that she can see what a healthy relationship between a man and woman looks like, and how she should expect to be treated by men.

      Also, do not assume that you can’t find a great guy to marry you simply because you have children by other men. I have known plenty of women who were widowed, divorced and single moms who married great guys who love their children as though they are their own blood. And the best way to instill family / marriage values in your children is to live it. I mention this because I know many people, especially BM –particularly the ones who have abandoned their own children, enjoy telling BW that they are not marriageable because they already have children, or that they will only attract pedophiles who want to “rape their babies”. That’s bull crap! There are plenty of childless women attracting pedophiles and giving birth to their children/victims and single moms marrying great husbands/father figures. It’s all about vetting.

      Best wishes, Christina!

  30. It has been a busy day on this post. The following comment was submitted by someone calling himself husamjabba (

    No this sounds alot like just a spoiled child, fatherless or not these behaviors are often created by overprotective mothers not absent fathers. Sounds like a little hatred in that. Do you hate fatherless men or black men?

    I know that there are many Black women who are naive / foolish enough to fall for the guilt trips, but I am not among their number.

    You want to believe that I “hate fatherless men or Black men”? Go ahead! It’s no skin off my nose. I learned long before I started this blog that any BW who advocates for BW instead of BM is deemed a BM hater by insecure, damaged and reality-impaired BM and their male-identified cheerleaders.

    Also, the fact that you choose to blame the mothers, who stuck around to raise said children, instead of the fathers who did not, speaks volumes about you and your complete and utter lack of character! But that’s what DBR men do best – blame women for their own shortcomings, failures, and refusal to do what needs to be done.

    Buh-bye! Consider yourself banned.

    • Kathy Henry says:

      I love this article and have spread on Facebook whether people like or not. Two of my worst relationships were with men who were abandoned by their fathers. Angry, verbally and physically abusive, jealous, the whole nine yards. Keep spitting this knowledge!!!

  31. Huda says:

    Brilliant post, I concur with many of your excellent and reality based statements. I find it amusing when someone objects and use the line: but I know so and so and he//she are just perfect. We are not talking about the exception, rather the cultural norm in many of today’s black communities and its negative impact on black women and black children.

    • They can only discuss the exceptions because there is no one else. And frankly, I’m getting tired of folks who want to argue for “fairness” in forming relationships — but only for Black women, of course. No one is popping up on blogs hosted by White and other non-Black women and arguing for the women there to date/marry someone’s damaged Baby Boy, with only the hope of potential to be a good husband and loving father.

      I read tons of blogs by all kinds of people and have never seen it happen on a blog that was not hosted by a Black woman. Coincidence? I think not.

      Thanks for commenting.

  32. Hey lady! Are you busy on Friday night? The 21st? I am doing a show that is right down your alley. Your piece inspired me to get off my duff and address this topic head on instead of always ALLUDING to it and touching on it here and there. If you are available, I would love for you to come through and talk about what your thoughts were and how you came to these conclusions. If you have a web-cam it will be fabulous because then everyone can see you, but if not we can just do audio. Please let me know so I can add you to the profile as a presenter. Send me your contact info (name and email and phone) so we can set it up IF you are available even for 20 minutes. Its Friday 12/21 at 6:30 pm PST/9:30 pm EST which is 8:30 if you are in the middle of the country on Central time.

    Here is a link to the blog page I put up to talk about it. 🙂 I put a link up to your page too.

  33. Thank you for the link, Deborrah! I appreciate the promotion. However, my husband and I are leaving on Friday to spend the weekend and most of Christmas week with his family. Would it be possible to record something beforehand?

  34. Pingback: The perils of men growing up fatherless — from a woman’s perspective « Churchmouse Campanologist

  35. michael says:

    I came on looking for some hope of guidence, but you basicly said I’m worthless don’t waist ur time with a fatherless man thanks bud that helped me a lot.

    • My intention in writing this post was not to hurt the feelings of men, who through no fault of their own, were abandoned by their fathers. However, the name of my blog coupled with the title of this post should have been a clue that I was not writing for the sake of guiding fatherless men. There are many other resources for that (online and off), including mentoring programs – both faith-based and secular. Good luck in finding one that is right for you.

  36. “Ideal husband=Workhorse
    You know why black men don’t want to settle down with black women?They are demanding,attempt to define manhood(something that should belong to each individual man) and the black women come from the same upbring that you scorn black men for coming from.It’s funny how you want black men to act like “real men” when it benefits you while at the same time you want to be the independent black women,EQUALITY is a two way street!”
    ~Bob (

    Ladies, the surest sign that someone is a member of the LBWH (League of Black Women Haters) is their inability to distinguish your unique self from a stereotype they have of your entire group. The above quote from a troll calling itself ‘Bob’ is a perfect example. I don’t think I could have made this idiotic quote up if I’d bothered trying. As you can see, it believes that only men are “individuals”.

    If you meet a man who says any of these crazy ass things to you, RUN! Run in the opposite direction! He hates you because you are a Black woman, and his blind hatred (and jealousy) has made him incapable of viewing you as an individual Human being. In such a being’s mind, you are simply a threat to the ego, perceived status, and sense of entitlement that they hold. Nothing more. DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME TRYING TO PROVE SUCH A CREATURE WRONG.

    You swung and you missed. Better go back to ‘racio-misogynistic stereotypes 101’. Not that it will help you. Having, obviously, grown up in a disfunctional one parent (if that) household, you have no idea how to relate to someone like me. More’s the pity. 😦

  37. toomanygrandkids says:

    Hello, everyone. I just found this blog today. Very interesting topics, especially this one. Do your statistics of fatherless males include the percentage of females who aren’t relationship/marriage material? And its not until the female has a child/children that the male has figured this out. One of the reasons why a dad may not/no longer live in the household is b/c 1.) The mom is a control freak who wants to control every step everybody makes, including the dad. Some men can’t even walk to the corner store w/o her asking, where you goin, how long you gonna be, when you comin’ back?
    2.) Everyday for years, some black females have to be mad about everything and anything for no reason whatsoever. She wakes up angry and goes to bed angry. And no one has done anything to her.
    3.) Strangely, there’s been an epidemic that’s been going on, but nobody’s discussing it much: THE SINGLE BLACK FEMALE/MARRIED BLACK MAN SYNDROME. For years, single females have desired married men. Whether she has child(ren) w/ a single male or not, these types of females are more attracted to a man who’s already in a relationship/marriage. No man can actually live w/ a female while married to his wife. In any case, its the single black female who prevents a young male (and female) from even establishing a father/son bond. These are just some random thoughts of mine.

    • I found this one in the spam filter. Is this the one you were referring too?

      To answer your question “Do your statistics of fatherless males include the percentage of females who aren’t relationship/marriage material?”

      This is a blog for heterosexual BW not BM, or even lesbian BW (though they are welcome to comment and participate), so that is not a topic that I have any interest in exploring. There are several blogs out there for lesbian BW and I’m sure that they can find relationship advice that pertains to their same-sex circumstances.

      You said, “Strangely, there’s been an epidemic that’s been going on, but nobody’s discussing it much: THE SINGLE BLACK FEMALE/MARRIED BLACK MAN SYNDROME.”

      I’m relatively certain that the extramarital affair syndrome that you blame BW for is just as prevalent, if not more so, among White, Asian and other groups of women. Affairs are as old as marriage itself, and if you don’t see fit to blame the men who took the vows why blame the women who took none? I don’t understand that.

      In addition, your claim that “its the single black female who prevents a young male (and female) from even establishing a father/son bond.” is ridiculous! A man who actually wants a relationship with his child will not let ANYONE get in the way. I have a cousin who is in a custody battle right now with his ex-wife for custody of their children. She is without a doubt one of the most unpleasant people I have ever had the displeasure to meet in my entire life, and that’s saying something, but he is man enough to fight for his relationship with his children, because that is what real men do! They don’t bitch and whine about how their “baby mama” won’t let them see their kids or makes them support their own children, they just do what needs to be done for the sake of their children. Period.

      You also said, “Everyday for years, some black females have to be mad about everything and anything for no reason whatsoever. She wakes up angry and goes to bed angry. And no one has done anything to her.”

      If you know someone who behaves this way, are you assuming that she has no reason to appear angry or have you known this person their entire life? I never assume that people are psychologically messed up for no reason. I may not care, and stay far far away from them, but why assume that there’s no reason? A large percentage of BW and girls have been beaten and raped by the time they reach adulthood. And usually, nothing is ever done to help them or even protect them in the first place. That’s a good reason to be angry, don’t you agree? Maybe that is why these women you encounter are like that. Who knows. I would find out if I were encountering a lot of fellow Black women who fit that description.

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