The Media’s Promiscuity Hard Sell Is Destroying Our Culture

Black woman and Black man

Is it just me, or does it seem like a large and vocal group of people are even more determined than ever to convince American women and young girls that female promiscuity is “natural” and preferable?

These people are on television, radio and the internet pushing their ‘spread your legs by date three or you’re a bitch’ philosophy. There is rarely, if ever, mention any of the consequences. And the consequences go beyond unwanted children and STDs. The emotional devastation that can be wrought by casual sex is either dismissed or avoided.

Many television shows and pop psychologist promote the idea that having sex with someone you barely know will benefit you in some way. These benefits are usually buzz words that have no meaning in reality.

The internet is littered with articles claiming that Casual Sex has no negative emotional consequences. Just one example: Hooray! Casual Sex Doesn’t Cause Any Kind of Emotional Damage by Emily Tan. The study referenced simply asks if their most recent sexual partner(s) are committed or casual. “…their emotional state was no different from respondents who said they were in committed relationships during their last sexual encounter.” Big deal. The people who considered the sex casual weren’t upset about the sex being casual. That’s a shocker. What about the folks they had the sex with? Did they interview them? I doubt it.

I think one commenter on that post said it best: “That doesn’t prove that casual sex doesn’t cause emotional damage. It just shows that for that group, in the short term, it didn’t alter their emotional state. It doesn’t speak to factors like, say… how many people have self-selected out of having casual sex because for them it proved to be damaging. I’d be interested to see a long-term study that watched people as they started having casual sex and see where that led.” ~E.

There is no legitimate way for them to determine if the respondents claim that it is “casual sex” and nothing more would have an emotional effect on the other party. A one-sided study like this is typical. If they had to interview both parties in-depth these “social scientists” would discover things that they do not wish to know. For the other party, the sex might have been considered, if not serious, at least a stepping stone to a serious relationship. I have never known anyone who wanted to be regarded as a “casual screw”. This includes men, believe it or not.

The fact of the matter is many women are convinced that they can sex their way into a man’s heart. This belief is reinforced by the media and friend of a friend of a friend “love stories”. While here in reality, the woman is judged as unfit for love and marriage because she did exactly as instructed by the pop psychologists, dating gurus, and even the men she had sex with.

Many men consider how fast they can convince a woman to spread her legs for them a test of her character and suitability as a wife and mother. As hypocritical as that sounds and is, I have come across many men who think this way. The emotional consequences for women who do as they are told, and as a result are cast aside as trash, can be devastating. Most of the promiscuous women I know (not all) are essentially alone. This is not a coincidence.

Many of these women end up bitter about men and romantic relationships. Their ability to trust others, including other women, is greatly wounded. When you are happy and in love, these are the killjoy friends who want you to notice every blemish and the potentially receding hair of your new man. It’s very sad, but completely preventable.

Emotional damage is personal, but it affects everyone you come into contact with, and everyone they come into contact with. But the other consequences of sexual promiscuity are even farther reaching. The whole of our society is being affected by the very steep downside of casual sex – unwanted/fatherless children and an increase in Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs/STIs). At the moment, I would say that fatherlessness is the greatest threat to OUR culture – present and future. It’s currently doing far more damage than STDs, outsourcing, illegal immigration, and racism combined.

Just two examples:

City Without Fathers: Behind Newark’s epidemic violence are its thousands of fatherless children by Steven Malanga. A quote from the article: “It isn’t that traditional families are breaking up; they aren’t even getting started. The city has one of the highest out-of-wedlock birthrates in the country, with about 65 percent of its children born to unmarried women. And 70 percent of those births are to women who are already poor, meaning that their kids are born directly into poverty.”

CRIME & FATHERLESS AMERICA by Steven LeBlanc. A quote from the article: “The overarching reason there is so much crime is because increasingly children are growing up in homes without their biological fathers. This outcome means many children and teens then join gangs (a pseudo-family).

Divorce and out of wedlock births is creating a subculture of angry teens. In America nearly 24 million children live in a home without a father to guide and protect them. Now more than half of all births to American women under 30 are born out of wedlock, and the trend in marriage-less birth is becoming a normal reality of American life.

And it’s not just happening here, in America. Across the pond… “The London riots have simply reconfirmed and graphically illustrated what the social sciences have been telling us for a half century now: when we allow society to disregard the institution of marriage and in fact assault the institution of family, we are asking for – and will get – trouble.

The social science evidence on this is as overwhelming as it is clear: by every indicator, children will be worse off when not raised in a biological two-parent family. They will be more likely to do less well at school, to become involved in drugs, to commit suicide, to have a range of mental and psychological problems, and to get involved in gangs and criminal activity.

“ThusThis has been documented so thoroughly now that only an ideologue who is pushing agendas can deny the evidence.” (Fatherlessness and Violence | Culture Watch) I could not agree with the author more.

Those in the media must be aware of the consequences of what they are promoting, so why continue to do it? What do they hope to get out of it? What is the endgame, so to speak? And why the hard sell? Whatever their reasons, make no mistake ladies, there is an agenda to make female promiscuity not just commonplace but something to aspire to…. Like Brazilian waxes.

Formerly the domain of porn stars, strippers and prostitutes, Brazilian waxes are now mainstream, despite the fact that they are extremely painful and completely unnecessary. I know women who have gone from having bikini waxes to Brazilians simply because they felt “left out.”

You have to wonder at the ingenuity of those marketing the concept of grown women completely removing ALL of their pubic hair, so that their genital area looks like that of a prepubescent child. There’s no rational reason for it, yet it has become big business all over the United States. It occurred to me the other day that I first heard about Brazilian waxes on Sex & the City as a teen. Soon after, other TV shows began mentioning or showing likeable characters going to spas to have the procedure done.

Unless you are one of the rare few who do not own a television or watch movies, even online, you know that the same PR campaign is already underway with female sexual promiscuity. The titles say it all – Friends With Benefits, No Strings Attached, etcetera. Even “family” movies promote the idea of love and marriage being the possible end result of one-night stands. One example: Just Go With It, which was rated PG-13. On TV it’s become standard for characters to get married after an initial one-night stand: Friends, Sex & the City and Grey’s Anatomy, are popular examples.

I have to admit, it is a good strategy. The easiest way to convince someone (especially someone young) that a questionable behavior is acceptable is to have someone they like / admire promote it as a positive. What is most dangerous, is that this propaganda is being proudly championed by many feminists – male and female, who claim that female sexual promiscuity is “empowering”. There’s even a new term for this type of feminist thought: Slut Feminism. This is why competent parenting is so very important.

I was raised to believe that no sensible woman offers the gateway to her womb to any man she is not a) in love with, b) committed to and c) certain would make a good father for any possible child(ren) that could result from the encounter. I know some folks consider that type of reasoning “old-fashioned” or “corny”; I just consider it common sense. A way for women to safeguard their wombs and their future prospects, which have never (in all of Human history) been improved by illegitimate children, STDs or emotional issues that prevent romantic attachment. Call me a prude if you like, but I do not want to raise my future children in a Brave New World where sex has no more significance than a limp handshake. Do you?

At some point, the purveyors of the “casual sex is empowering to women” myth are going to have to own up to fact that they are not just compromising the morality, but the safety and long-term stability, of American women, children and men with their hogwash.  

About blackfemaleculture

I am an African American woman looking to connect with other African American women who are interested in reinventing a wholesome, empowering culture that feeds the minds and souls of African American women and their children.
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29 Responses to The Media’s Promiscuity Hard Sell Is Destroying Our Culture

  1. CHER! says:

    Ladies, do not be fooled into complacency by the media and unscrupulous men! YOU will be the loser if believing those pack of lies about casual sex. Abstaining/celibacy is not the easiest route, but the quality of your relationships will improve….

    • Sorry it took so long to get to your comment Cher. WordPress has an overly aggressive spam filter, and I had not check it in a long while.

      I agree with you 100%! The media is trying hard to convince everyone and their children that abstinence is “unrealistic”, but those who practice it usually come out the long-term winners in the game of love. Those who live their lives the media approved way just end up with unwanted children, broken hearts and STDs.

  2. apothecary21c says:

    I don’t think I’m a prude either, and I feel the same way about this issue. The media has gone too far in pomoting sex as something that can be casual. Sex is anything but casual. Nothing casual can alter the entire course of your life.

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  4. Kendra Blake says:

    I believe I read that study that supposedly proves sleeping around has no negative emotional consequences earlier this year. I did not believe it for the reasons you mention, but also because people lie. If you are sleeping around chances are you don’t want people to see your behavior in a negative light. So if someone asks, do you feel bad about sleeping around? You will say no, I don’t. That’s human nature.

    Every promiscuous person I know, and I know a few, wants other people to do the same thing they are doing so that they don’t stand out so much. They want to drag you down to their level. The people who own the media tend to be promiscuous, and they don’t want to deal with the consequences of their behavior, so they do not care that they are affecting how others see themselves, sex and the world. That is the point of what they are doing. But we have to be strong enough to not allow ourselves to be influenced by that media controlled propaganda. It’s harder with kids.

    I have younger siblings and relatives who are very much influenced by what they see on TV. It worries me, but I feel that there is little if anything that I can do about it.

    • There is something that can be done, but only by the parents of the kids in question. Cell phones can be controlled by whoever pays the bill. They can prevent their children from downloading content of any kind off the internet to their phones. They can control their children’s at home access to the internet. Many parents are doing this, and with good results. They may need to eliminate television viewing after 6pm, or altogether.

      I have a friend who has decided to remove the family room television once her toddler starts pre-school. Her husband uses the family room when his friends come over to watch sports, but he is completely supportive of this idea and understands how important it is to protect their son’s innocence, for as long as they can.

      There are many things that parents can do to protect their children from media smut. It may not make them popular with their kids, but that is beside the point.

  5. cincopation says:

    “Many men consider how fast they can convince a woman to spread her legs for them a test of her character and suitability as a wife and mother” – true indeed.

    • saucyluna74 says:

      I disagree with that based on the fact that if a man is just looking for sex, he sure isn’t looking for a wife/wife material. So to promote the above statement is to pressure women to stay virginal in the hopes of snagging a husband. Men shouldn’t aim to marry a woman based on how many men have been there before him, but her character. That type of attitude is part of the problem.

      • Disagree all you like, but it won’t make my statement any less true. And whether you and I believe it’s “fair” or not is irrelevant. The fact of the matter is, women are not judged by the same standards that men are because we are not (and never will be) men.

        A woman who will open the gateway to her womb to random men will always be considered questionable, and not just as a wife and mother; her mental health is often questioned as well. Such women usually end up on the receiving end of rumors about childhood sexual abuse, sexually transmitted diseases, her children’s paternity is always considered suspect, and more. So, yes, sleeping around is an excellent way to gain attention for oneself, but what self-respecting woman wants that kind of attention?

        Also, it’s not about “[staying] virginal”, it’s about having enough self-respect for your womanhood and your body’s amazing ability to bring forth Human life by making sure that any man you allow to enter your body – and possibly father your child – is worthy of that honor. And it should be considered an honor.

        If that notion sounds too old fashioned for you, this is obviously not the blog for you.

        • saucyluna74 says:

          Hilarious that you think women who have casual sex have questionable mental health, but you think it’s ok for men to have this mentality? No I don’t agree with women who are careless about sex and have the issues you described, but you are putting women who are virginal on a pedestal and judging a woman’s character on her sexual history. Forgive me for having a opinion, I forgot where I was supposed to agree with every word you say and echo your comments like a parrot. If that is what you want, then sorry I did like your blog I’ll unsubscribe.

          • “Hilarious that you think women who have casual sex have questionable mental health, but you think it’s ok for men to have this mentality? No I don’t agree with women who are careless about sex and have the issues you described, but you are putting women who are virginal on a pedestal and judging a woman’s character on her sexual history.”

            SMH. You may want to consider a reading comprehension course. I never said that I believe that women who have casual sex are mentally ill. I also never said that it was ok for men to judge women for sleeping around. Please, re-read my comment and take your fear of being judged out of it. We can all pretend that society at large sees women as nothing more or less than men with vaginas, but that is not even remotely the case. Society is what it is. The wise among us recognize the truth of this and maneuver accordingly. This is especially important for Black women. notyourgirlfriday wrote a post on this topic that you may find enlightening, it’s called What Black Women Aren’t Told About Sex

            “Forgive me for having a opinion, I forgot where I was supposed to agree with every word you say and echo your comments like a parrot. If that is what you want, then sorry I did like your blog I’ll unsubscribe.”

            I actually don’t expect everyone who reads my blog to agree with me, but I also have no time for long, drawn out debates about the minutia entailed in a post. Frankly, it irked me that you wanted to discuss that one sentence and not the topic of the post itself. The post is about the media’s negative influence on our culture and society at large, not whether or not it is “ok” for men to judge women for sleeping around. Men are going to do what they are going to do; fairness has NOTHING to do with it. FYI, I was not a virgin when I married my husband. He knows that, but it didn’t and doesn’t matter because those other men are few and marriageable. And though he’s never said anything about it directly, I know my husband, and I know that it matters to him like it would to any normal man.

            Whether you choose to continue subscribing or not is your choice.

      • jiboflex says:

        the number of men that have succeeded in sleeping with you is a major tell on your character. Saying ignore that and choose based on their character is impractical at best.

  6. Elegance says:

    Wow that was really good! I agreed with you already but that post should be a wake up call to anyone who reads it. Well Maybe Kim Kardashian got rich off of it but she is still single but she is basically a promiscuity unicorn that doesn’t happen to regular people. People actually look at women like her as examples but she is the exception that prove the rule. I don’t think women win when they are promiscuous and there is an emotional toll. That study was really irresponsible!

    • It’s funny, but I never even thought about “reality” television shows when I wrote that post. I don’t like them and don’t watch them (well, except Hell’s Kitchen and Project Runway), but so-called “reality” shows with promiscuous characters may be the biggest negative influence for young people, because they believe that it’s real.

      And the Kardashians seem to be the kind of people who will do literally ANYTHING for money and attention. I see them EVERYWHERE, and there is no legit reason for that. Kim K, Chris Jenner and Snooki (sp?) should not be household names, especially for people like me – who have never seen a single episode of their shows, yet there it is.
      What are their talents? Do they have any? Is being an attention whore a talent now? 😆

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  8. I truly love this post! I agree 100%! I’ve also noticed that it’s not just sex that they’re desperate to sell anyone stupid or lost enough to listen. I’ve noticed now that a lot of the most popular songs have something to do with people partying, “having a good time” or drinking. And I’ve asked the same questions you have. Why are people so desperate to get me to party and/or have sex?

    Oh I’m solving my problems with television because I’m getting rid of my cable box. Most of the stuff on tv is garbage now anyway or it promotes obvious bad behavior a something to aspire too. No thanks I guess I’d rather read a book.

    The feminists who support this are dumb. And as time goes on I’ve learned to filter a lot of what they say out. Because a lot of their “modern” advice and ideas just isn’t smart or applicable to people with any real sense.

    • Good for you! I’ve long considered cable TV a waste of time and money. I stopped subscribing a few years back, after realizing that there were only three shows on cable that I actually enjoyed, and that I could watch them for free elsewhere. I suspect the main reason producers put their shows on cable in the first place is so that they can make up for poor writing and bland acting with explicit sex scenes. True Blood is a perfect example. The Vampire Diaries has less than 1/10 the sex (none of it explicit) and is far better written and acted.

      And you’re absolutely right about the feminists who promote promiscuity being dumb. They are doing their cause and young, impressionable women a great disservice. Frankly, I think that anyone who believes that a woman can only be “empowered” if she acts like a man is a misogynist. A lot of women and men who call themselves feminists seem to look down on women who are happy being women, instead of aspiring to be men with breasts.

    • *enchante* says:

      this was waaaay overdue–especially in the Black community. Even today, some think that giving women contraceptives are giving them ”power’? What kind of power women need is more jobs–we could get the contraceptives OURSELVES==are we that helpless? Anyway, what kind of legacy will we give our granddaughters & great-granddaughters? Will our female descendants be the 2nd and 3rd wives? will polygamy become standard because so many men are not able to support a family? not all women can work an 8 hour day–when pregnant, etc.–I read somewhere, is that when women ‘grow a pair’ men grow ‘ovaries’ or get softer–sort of the ‘yin-yang’ effect–LOL

    • *enchante* says:

      I notice one thing: a long time ago, when many of the popular music had love songs, more got married. Now, the more porno songs became, no one got married. Music is POWERFUL–if you want to want to feel less promiscuous, break out the Nat King Cole records, or if you play an instrument, like piano, find a book with songs from the GREAT AMERICAN SONGBOOK—I also noticed, after the 80s, it got to become very bad between men and women—it actually started with MADONNA and others like her, for women to be wild

      • I believe music has great power as well. I know people – older people – who have fallen in love to the music of Barry White, Al Green, Otis Redding… Their music is timeless and romantic. Most modern music doesn’t measure up.

  9. Jason says:

    I’m a white guy, but I came across your site, searching for “people aren’t as promiscuous as media makes them out to be” because I feel almost like a prude compared to what the media puts across as “normal” I’m sorry, but it shouldn’t be normal to sleep with someone, let alone move in with them, until you have known them for months in my opinion, in most cases, or even until you are married, and we have been TV free in my house for 3 years (we do have Netflix, but it gives us greater control)

    • Hi Jason. All normal people feel like prudes in comparison to what the media wants to convince us is normal. But, of course, that’s part of their agenda. It’s always nice to come across others who aren’t buying into it.

  10. Tia says:

    Sometimes I wonder if feminists haven’t bothered to ask themselves WHY they are making so much headway championing female promiscuity? Umm, could it be because it gives men exactly what they are culturally assumed to want??? I think that terms like “empowerment” used to describe female promiscuity is simply an appropriation of feminist ideological terminology to serve the ends of men. I have known men (not for long), that would try to coerce me into having empty, meaningless sex, by suggesting that society has made me repressed and that I need to enjoy being sexually free. *Sure* *eye rolls* The funny thing is that these men were complete chauvinists, who degraded women by their pathetic natures, and were incapable of treating women like equals and had no intent or desire to do so in the first place. So, they are all for “social progression” if it makes women give them what they want, but would never analyze or deconstruct their own male privilege as part of so called “social progression”? My point is, is that the feminist logic around female promiscuity is being appropriated by selfish, insecure men (that make my skin itch) in order to get what they want, and is doing nothing to change the patriarchical social structure that keep women down. I thought THAT was the point of feminism?????? And sadly WAY to many women are on board.

    • A couple weeks ago, I was discussing this same topic on notyourgirlfriday. The whole “empowerment” thing (in the feminist context) is nothing more than seeking attention from men. And men know it, of course. That is why men who hate and want to use women are encouraging this form of “empowerment”, and men who genuinely like women do not. Then these same guys will claim that the baby born 9 months later can’t be theirs, because “she’ll sleep with anyone!” What really annoys me is that so many BW are falling for it, and encouraging other BW to be used as sexual toilets. Even young women in their own families. I’m pleased to hear that you did not let that jerk play you. Men like that do not like women. And they don’t see us a people, like them..

      Recently, on another blog there was a discussion about how feminism has affected dating and male courtship behavior. And there were several BW who not only supported promiscuity, but they were attempting to prude shame those of us who did not buy into their garbage, by claiming that we must be either religious nuts or not good in bed. And if we wanted to know our partner’s sexual history we were insecure and afraid of “not measuring up”. 😆

      One women actually had the audacity to claim that it was “tacky” for someone to ask the person that they were considering a committed relationship with questions about past partners! Since when?! That is something real people falling in love talk about before going forward and committing to each other. No matter how strong your attraction to someone, it all comes down to shared values, beliefs and life goals, in the end. And if these women are not ashamed of their behavior, and think promiscuity is so wonderful, why lie and hide their past behavior and lovers? People don’t lie about things they are proud of. No one hides the Nobel prize they won.

      • Tia says:

        When has not openning your legs at random become an indication of not being “good in bed” Lol. Please stop!… And I completely agree, that if someone is proud of something then there would be zero need to hide it. Personally speaking I would NEVER want a man who has slept with hundreds of women, any more than I think any worthwhile man would want me if I did, and feel like I am far to valuable of a human being to be anyones cum toilet. Female promiscuity is way to overrated for me. Thanks for your post! 🙂

        • “Personally speaking I would NEVER want a man who has slept with hundreds of women, any more than I think any worthwhile man would want me if I did, and feel like I am far to valuable of a human being to be anyones cum toilet.”

          Neither would I. If my husband had slept around, we would not be married. It’s shameful behavior, no matter who is engaging in it, but women always have the most to lose when it comes to sex. I’m writing a post on that subject now.

          I’m glad you recognize your own worth. Too many BW do not and it is hurting their chances of finding happiness and love. You can only find a partner who loves and values you if YOU love and value yourself first.
          Thank you for commenting, Tia. 🙂

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  12. King Levi says:

    Honestly I love your post about this.. I’m only 27 years of age.. But within the last few years of my life, I’ve been hearing so much nonsense about “don’t judge me. Who are you to judge me. Only God can judge me.” those folks who run around with that attitude is already guilty of something. Thank God I’m still waiting until marriage… I believe that some women were literally promiscuous due to upbringing… A few bad relationships.. Etc.. But the media is promoting casual sex nonstop.. Promiscuity… Telling people to explore their sexuality… That is not teaching these people to practice self restraint.. Especially the males… We all have the right to ask questions before getting into a relationship.. I don’t wanna be kissing some chick where tons of males had their dicks in her mouth and ejaculated in her mouth. Same thing with her pussy… She letting many guys hit raw and and got some sloppy ass jizzed up leftovers… It’s selfish on her behalf and she could possibly suffer.. Probably have std’s and then I catch something all because she wanted to run around and follow the crowd when she was younger. What you do in your younger years affects you later on, physically, emotionally, spiritually…. It’s like cutting classes freshmen through junior year and expect to ace all classes with a+’s and graduate with honors…. There’s a quote I’ve been seeing floating around on IG. “the prettiest females do that nastiest things for the realest n*ggas”. This exactly what talking about. Abstinence is extremely difficult but well worth it. The std stats are extremely rampant. America is in a std epidemic. The media/elite is the devil trying to destroy God’s people.

    • Good for you! It’s always great to hear that there are still some Black folks who believe in abstaining before marriage, or even just waiting ’til they fall in love. Frankly, I come across waaay too many people (especially women) who have this delusional belief that their “youthful indiscretions” will have no impact on their future, and no immediate consequences as well. There’s usually both.

      I’m not sure what “realest n*ggas” means, but in my experience, the women I have witnessed being promiscuous and bragging about being promiscuous are never pretty. In fact, they are usually plain/average-looking to below-average-looking and deeply insecure, and believe that they cannot get a bf without being known for putting out. The man who came up with that quote is probably just bitter about being rejected by beautiful women. Beautiful women (with healthy self-esteem) know that they can attract handsome and successful men, so they generally don’t feel the need to settle for men who are not.

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