Standards and Why Losers Want You to Have None

Spelman grads

Have you ever noticed that the only people who want Black women to stop having standards or “lower their standards” are Black male losers, Black women who are obsessed with the idea of “saving the Black race (in America)” by using other Black women as sacrificial lambs, and racists who wish us all ill anyway? If you haven’t, you either don’t get out much or you have never read a relationship/dating blog geared toward BW.

The number one thing that the aforementioned types of people want BW to know is that their standards are too high, which is an obvious lie. If anything the opposite is true. Women with high standards would not put up with losers and bums “hollering” at them on public streets. They’d report them to the police. Women with high standards would not settle for being a baby mama instead of a wife and mother. Women with high standards would not associate with men they know are dangerous to them and those around them, because they pity them for being born Black and male and believe (foolishly) that it’s harder than being Black and female. 😆 It still amazes me that there are women out there who believe this, when it should be quite obvious that it’s not remotely true.

I am also shocked by the large number of BW willing to lower their standards to appease people that want to use, abuse, slander and blame them for anything and everything. My father gave me a piece of advice that fits this subject well: “Never take advice from someone who hates you or envies you.” And I would add to that statement, Never take advice from someone who sees you as a threat to their status.

This would seem common sense, but many Black women are taking advice from men who want them to be easy sex and/or compliant to the will of insecure men, and women who want them to wear their hair super short or be overweight so that they are less sexually alluring to the men that they may want for themselves. Such people, regardless of ethnicity, are enemies and their advice should be ignored.

Here’s the thing about standards, without them it’s like you’re sitting in a canoe, in the middle of the ocean, without a compass or a paddle. Without standards, you cannot set goals for how you want your life to turn out nor create a plan for reaching them. Without standards you are likely to put up with anything from anyone.

For many people, most people in fact, standards symbolize self-respect and are used to (accurately) measure your sense of self-worth. This is why certain people feel deeply threatened by Black women who have high standards. It shows that they respect themselves and understand their own worth, and they behave accordingly. You cannot run mind games on such a woman. You can’t convince her to allow parasites to feed off of her. You can’t convince her that it’s her duty to give ex-cons “a chance”.

Over the years, there have been many newsworthy cases of Black women who put themselves (and their loved ones) in harms way, by not setting standards for those that they allowed into their lives. I’m sure you can all name at least two incidents. People who lack standards or have low standards should be avoided. It can be very dangerous to keep company with such people.

Trust me, if your standards really are “too high”, time and your own life experience will bare that out. You do not require the self-serving advice of a peanut gallery with (likely) malicious intent. Remember, anyone who is trying to convince you that you should be less and want less is questionable, at best. Ignore them.

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About blackfemaleculture

I am an African American woman looking to connect with other African American women who are interested in reinventing a wholesome, empowering culture that feeds the minds and souls of African American women and their children.
This entry was posted in Lifestyle, Relationships, Social Politics and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

26 Responses to Standards and Why Losers Want You to Have None

  1. “Have you ever noticed that the only people who want Black women to stop having standards or “lower their standards” are Black male losers, Black women who are obsessed with the idea of “saving the Black race (in America)” by using other Black women as sacrificial lambs, and racists who wish us all ill anyway?”
    ~Blackfemaleculture

    Yes. Great post!

  2. BBFortune says:

    Very Well Said!

  3. Lynell walker says:

    Love it! Preach it from the mountain top! We need to love the skin we’re in!

  4. Excellent, applauding, very well said!

  5. Kendra Blake says:

    “People who lack standards or have low standards should be avoided. It can be very dangerous to keep company with such people.”
    You are so right! I learned this after a frightening experience with the bf of my now ex-best friend. And the beyotch had the nerve to take his side! I was done with her after that. You cannot, and shouldn’t try, to be friends with people who have no standards. They will resent you for having them and accuse you of thinking that you’re better than them. I know from experience.

    • Yes, women with no standards/self-respect will defend a man – no matter how despicable he and his actions may be, because who else would want them? Women like that are soooo desperate they give off an odor. Predators can smell them coming a mile off. Such women ALWAYS attract predators and users.

      “You cannot, and shouldn’t try, to be friends with people who have no standards. They will resent you for having them and accuse you of thinking that you’re better than them. ”

      If someone accuses you of thinking that you are better than them, it is because they believe you are better than them.

      • Tia says:

        You are so right on! They make these accusations becasuse of their own beliefs. I`m not going to compromise myself for people who only want their selfish way with me. I AM to good for that!

        • Yes, you are! I’m glad you know it. Too many BW and girls do not, and as a result they’re willing to be slaves to dysfunctional “acting Black” groupthink, even when it deprives them of happiness, fulfillment and safety.

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  7. Reneegede says:

    Reblogged this on Black Write & Read and commented:
    GOOD STUFF! Heed and take note, ladies.

  8. Reneegede says:

    Learned that one the HARD way … NEVER EVER DROP YOUR STANDARDS and settle, even if there is a chance you may spend the rest of your life alone. Better a crust of dry bread and a morsel of cheese alone than a king’s feast in the company of haters and drama artists. Another word of advice: Never let a single woman with no man of her own introduce you to a man … unless she’s a buck out lesbian. If he was all that, she’d be keeping him for herself.

  9. The One says:

    All I see in these comments is Black WOMEN being attacked, while not a peep is said about the Black MEN causing all of this crap.

    Same old same old, SMDH.

    • I’m not sure how to respond to your comment. You seem to be reading something I’m not seeing. Which comments are attacking Black women? And what is it that you would like to see being said about Black men, that is related to the actual content of my post?

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  12. Elegance says:

    That was good, I especially like the part ““Never take advice from someone who hates you or envies you.” And I would add to that statement, Never take advice from someone who sees you as a threat to their status.” We have to be careful about who we take advice from. I think the best thing for women to do it learn about all the options that are out there and then take their time before deciding on things so that they don’t make a terrible mistake (e.g., end up with a loser when they could have done much better). If someone’s advice sounds like it would hurt me but I should do it for some political, or “save Black people”, or “show you support this ideology” type of thing I tend to ignore that. My life is my life not a political statement to further some cause. Anyways, good post 🙂

    • “My life is my life not a political statement to further some cause”
      ~Elegance

      Yes! I wish more Black women felt this way. I have actually experienced a confrontation (no other word for it) with a BW who thought that it was “selfish” for me to choose my own wants and needs over the illusion of a united Black front. Of course I was taken aback by this strangers words and nerve, but it changed nothing.

      • Tia says:

        I do agree that it is important for BW. No… All women. To live their lives according to themselves, but I think that identity is and has for a long time been shaped by the political context, and that is probably why some BW feel it is important to unite with other Blacks. This sort of political unity can explain a number of gains Black people in America (as a collective) have obtained. But I hear your point that some people may be overly militant about it :).

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  15. Jubilee says:

    Since we shouldnt be the PACK MULE for BM. we shouldnt be the PACK MULE for WM or other men either;listen: WE ARE LADIES FIRST.One of the weaknesses of interracial sites is, that BW could come off desperate; but not if she vets all men, and NO SEX UNTIL MARRIAGE or at least A RING AND A DATE. Guys didnt used to holla @ BW unless its some weird latinos who didnt speak much english. This is news to me since im long past the 15-35 age group.

    • This is not an interracial dating site, but I am pro-vetting and dating ALL Human men in the search for the right man/husband. And I agree that we should hold all men to the same standard. No passes for anyone based on ethnicity / religion / phenotype.

      “Guys didnt used to holla @ BW unless its some weird latinos who didnt speak much english. This is news to me since im long past the 15-35 age group.”

      This had me scratching my head. Not sure what you meant by it, because I have older relatives (women) who have been IR married for 30-40 years. Even my mother, who is more than twice my age, dated non-Black men before she met and married my father.

  16. Me says:

    Most black men are losers.

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