A new, and very persistent, troll brought up a topic that I felt needed to be addressed. If you are a BW, then you know that if you exercise your right to have discriminating taste in men you will be targeted with guilt and petulant (often obscene) diatribes about how you are destroying lives, simply by not making yourself available to any man who happens by and wants to “hit it.”
It doesn’t matter if you have always held yourself to a high standard in your academic life, professional life, and friendships, when it comes to your romantic life you are expected to lower the bar so far down that any snake can crawl over it!
The troll who inspired this post used the word “discrimination” to describe the exercise of one’s right to avoid fatherless men. It seems, in this person’s mind, if you have two Black parents you have no right to decide who to share your intimate life with. You can read the post and her/his (Reese) comments here.
I guess using the word “discrimination” was supposed to make me, and the BW who frequent my blog, cower in fear that we’re bigots because we are discerning and want a mate that shares our upbringing, beliefs, social class and morality. The third is especially sticky for BW, because we (African Americans) are supposed to pretend that we have no class distinctions separating us. For example, an AA (woman) doctor and a AA (man) janitor are supposed to be on the same social strata. 😆 THEY ARE NOT!
That’s life. C’est la vie. Pretending that a medical professional is obligated to settle for the guy who cleans the floors of a high school is ludicrous and only in AA culture is this pretense expect from its women folk only. I have seen this scenario played out in real life, by the way.
FYI, the doctor dated and then married a fellow doctor and was (of course) accused of being a “gold digger”, “uppity bitch”, “thinking she’s too good for a good Black man”, etcetera and so forth. This is commonplace in the AA collective. It shouldn’t be, but it is.
Let me be clear, discriminating means to separate from another by discerning differences; to distinguish. Discrimination means to treat differently based on traits that do not affect quality. For those who are slow, this means that if you have two men who posses the exact same character traits, upbringing, values, sense of morality, even the same career and work schedule, height, weight, etcetera and you choose one over the other based on nothing more than their ethnicity, hair color, eye color, whatever, THAT would be discrimination. And yet, when it comes to your person life, you have the right to engage in discrimination, if that is what YOU want. It’s your life, your future at stake, no one else’s.
You will be the one living with, sleeping with and having children with whoever it is you choose to spend your life with. So chose who YOU want to be with and to hell with what anyone else wants for you. No one has the right to control your personal life. Not family, not friends, no one!
So, if you are a woman who is seeking a certain type of man, and no other kind will do, you must discern which men fit the bill and which do not. That’s just common sense. And even then you must vet each and every man who fits the bill, because looking good on paper simply is not enough. He may be an amazing guy, but you just don’t feel sparks when you’re with him. The lack of chemistry may change with time, or it may not. That is why you MUST date several men at once. At least three at a time. THAT is how you will get what you want.
If, however, you choose to become involved with a man because you pity him and/or your family and friends say that you need to “give [whoever] a chance,” for whatever reason, you are simply being a fool. Want to know what real discrimination looks like when it comes to BW and relationships?
You know a wonderful man, he’s kind, honest and treats you with respect. He’s gainfully employed, makes you laugh, holds your hand when you cry, shares a similar upbringing, religious beliefs, morality, value system and has made it clear that he thinks you are the best thing since sliced bread. When you’re with him, you feel “at home”, BUT you won’t allow the relationship to go further than friendship. Not because you don’t find him attractive, or anything he has done or said, but because he wasn’t born with a skin tone that would please your family, friends, or racists at large.
I know two older BW who rejected great guys who were nuts about them, because they were not Black, and they both regret it to this day. They discriminated against these men out of fear of being rejected by the BC and their families. Many years later, only one of these women is married. And she is very unhappy with her husband, at the moment. Hopefully, things will improve. But with chronic cheaters that almost never happens.
My point is, choosing the best man for you based on character traits, shared values and morality is not racial discrimination, it’s simply discernment. And more BW need to start exercising a little more discernment, before it’s too late for them and their children.
An over 70% OOW rate is not just insane, but a threat to the physical well-being of us all! Especially those who live in Blackistan type areas / neighborhoods. If you live in such an environment, you are pretty much screwed if this trend continues. 😦
BTW, if anyone finds this post offensive, I can’t be bothered to give a damn, so don’t waste your time or mine by sending me a death threat or immature insults. It just makes you look powerless and pathetic.