The Difference Between Discrimination and Discernment

Art-Critic-rockwellA new, and very persistent, troll brought up a topic that I felt needed to be addressed. If you are a BW, then you know that if you exercise your right to have discriminating taste in men you will be targeted with guilt and petulant (often obscene) diatribes about how you are destroying lives, simply by not making yourself available to any man who happens by and wants to “hit it.”

It doesn’t matter if you have always held yourself to a high standard in your academic life, professional life, and friendships, when it comes to your romantic life you are expected to lower the bar so far down that any snake can crawl over it!

The troll who inspired this post used the word “discrimination” to describe the exercise of one’s right to avoid fatherless men. It seems, in this person’s mind, if you have two Black parents you have no right to decide who to share your intimate life with. You can read the post and her/his (Reese) comments here.

I guess using the word “discrimination” was supposed to make me, and the BW who frequent my blog, cower in fear that we’re bigots because we are discerning and want a mate that shares our upbringing, beliefs, social class and morality. The third is especially sticky for BW, because we (African Americans) are supposed to pretend that we have no class distinctions separating us. For example, an AA (woman) doctor and a AA (man) janitor are supposed to be on the same social strata. 😆 THEY ARE NOT!

That’s life. C’est la vie. Pretending that a medical professional is obligated to settle for the guy who cleans the floors of a high school is ludicrous and only in AA culture is this pretense expect from its women folk only. I have seen this scenario played out in real life, by the way.

FYI, the doctor dated and then married a fellow doctor and was (of course) accused of being a “gold digger”, “uppity bitch”, “thinking she’s too good for a good Black man”, etcetera and so forth. This is commonplace in the AA collective. It shouldn’t be, but it is.

Let me be clear, discriminating means to separate from another by discerning differences; to distinguish. Discrimination means to treat differently based on traits that do not affect quality. For those who are slow, this means that if you have two men who posses the exact same character traits, upbringing, values, sense of morality, even the same career and work schedule, height, weight, etcetera and you choose one over the other based on nothing more than their ethnicity, hair color, eye color, whatever, THAT would be discrimination. And yet, when it comes to your person life, you have the right to engage in discrimination, if that is what YOU want. It’s your life, your future at stake, no one else’s.

You will be the one living with, sleeping with and having children with whoever it is you choose to spend your life with. So chose who YOU want to be with and to hell with what anyone else wants for you. No one has the right to control your personal life. Not family, not friends, no one!

So, if you are a woman who is seeking a certain type of man, and no other kind will do, you must discern which men fit the bill and which do not. That’s just common sense. And even then you must vet each and every man who fits the bill, because looking good on paper simply is not enough. He may be an amazing guy, but you just don’t feel sparks when you’re with him. The lack of chemistry may change with time, or it may not. That is why you MUST date several men at once. At least three at a time. THAT is how you will get what you want.

If, however, you choose to become involved with a man because you pity him and/or your family and friends say that you need to “give [whoever] a chance,” for whatever reason, you are simply being a fool. Want to know what real discrimination looks like when it comes to BW and relationships?

You know a wonderful man, he’s kind, honest and treats you with respect. He’s gainfully employed, makes you laugh, holds your hand when you cry, shares a similar upbringing, religious beliefs, morality, value system and has made it clear that he thinks you are the best thing since sliced bread. When you’re with him, you feel “at home”, BUT you won’t allow the relationship to go further than friendship. Not because you don’t find him attractive, or anything he has done or said, but because he wasn’t born with a skin tone that would please your family, friends, or racists at large.

I know two older BW who rejected great guys who were nuts about them, because they were not Black, and they both regret it to this day. They discriminated against these men out of fear of being rejected by the BC and their families. Many years later, only one of these women is married. And she is very unhappy with her husband, at the moment. Hopefully, things will improve. But with chronic cheaters that almost never happens.

My point is, choosing the best man for you based on character traits, shared values and morality is not racial discrimination, it’s simply discernment. And more BW need to start exercising a little more discernment, before it’s too late for them and their children.

An over 70% OOW rate is not just insane, but a threat to the physical well-being of us all! Especially those who live in Blackistan type areas / neighborhoods. If you live in such an environment, you are pretty much screwed if this trend continues. 😦

BTW, if anyone finds this post offensive, I can’t be bothered to give a damn, so don’t waste your time or mine by sending me a death threat or immature insults. It just makes you look powerless and pathetic.


About blackfemaleculture

I am an African American woman looking to connect with other African American women who are interested in reinventing a wholesome, empowering culture that feeds the minds and souls of African American women and their children.
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16 Responses to The Difference Between Discrimination and Discernment

  1. Kendra Blake says:

    I’m amazed that the Reese beast keeps coming back. Crazy folks are a mess. lol
    I enjoyed this new post and agree that when it comes to who you allow into your life you have the right to discriminate or discern who is wanted and who is not.

  2. Elegance says:

    Excellent post! I totally agree it is really strange the way men try to get women to lower their standards. It’s like they feel entitled to any woman they want even the women who don’t want them! I don’t see many non-Black people expecting this at all. I can understand that if a man is less desirable he may try anything to get women, but I definitely won’t fall for that. I won’t date someone out of guilt or pity. Do they have no shame?

    • The reason this entitlement complex seems to only exist in the minds of Black men is because the “Black community” and White “liberals” have fostered, and fight to maintain, the Black man’s right to abuse Black women and girls without consequence. If you have been raised to believe that you have the right to attack a group of women (physically, sexually and verbally), why wouldn’t you believe that you also have a right to bully them into having a “relationship” with you?

  3. Tina says:

    Thank you for this post! I am so sick at people trying to make black women feel guilty for simply living our own damn lives. And they never seem to get tired of trying to run their games on us.
    I’m extremely suspicious of anyone who would want me to lower my standards. Why do they care so much anyway? Are they that big a loser that only someone settling would want them? I know the answer to that question. YES!
    I have known a few Black men who have no job, no prospects of finding a job, but believe that they have the RIGHT to have access to successful beautiful Black women. Then when these men finally get some money and success, they dump the Black women they were draining dry to go be with some fat ugly chick just because she’s not black, and they think that makes her special. Lol. This happened to my play cousin a few years ago and one of my aunts back in the day, but let a beautiful black woman with an actual career and her own home date someone on her own level and she gets called everything but a child of God. It’s crazy!

  4. LorMarie says:

    People will do anything to guilt trip black women into submission. Problem is, too many fall for it. Glad to see women who don’t.

  5. mYstiQue says:

    Your RIGHT on putting this on the back of WHITE LIBERALS. Many just use blacks for votes etc. They sound antimarriage until its against the wire, and theyre having a hard time finding decent men to marry. Besides few men today are raised with their dads because of divorce, etc. It just looks like blacks are worse off because back in the 60s, it was just under 20% OOW. Whites are catching up with blacks foolishness and WW are being suckers too lately…i have stepdaughters im trying to (talk some sense) into…LOL

    • I hope your step-daughters listen to you. Being a baby mama is no joke. Where I live, there are a LOT of baby mamas (White, Hispanic and Black) and most of them seem quite angry and impatient with their children. You almost never see them out and about with their children’s fathers, but when they are, they are visibly more relaxed and content.

      I hate to think what my own mother would have been like without my dad there doing his part.

  6. Salvador Dali says:

    I first discovered this website while searching for racism in tennis; your article regarding the Danis player mocking Serena Williams. I digress… Your post are very informative, and accurate regarding issues within society in terms of racism, and sexism.

    I am currently a law and Womens Studies major at Purdue, I will mention this post in my next Women’s Studies class, great job!

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