How to Handle and Respond to IRR Harassers

black_woman_white_man-hands1If you are in an IRR (inter-“racial” relationship) you probably know that the majority of people you encounter do not care about your relationship. They have their own lives and problems, and you are not even a blip on their screen. In fact, most of the time, you will merely be observed with the intensity of someone under CIA surveillance. Unfortunately, the minority, who do take issue with you living your life in a way that does not benefit them directly or makes them feel some kind of way, will be obnoxiously vocal about it. These people can be strangers, friends and even your own relatives. Regardless of your familiarity with such people, there are only three ways I recommend dealing with them.

#1 – Ignore them. This is the best approach when dealing with strangers. They don’t know you, you don’t know them, neither of you owe each other anything other than the common courtesy and civility one should extend to anyone, whether they know them or not, and they have broken their end of the bargain by behaving a fool. To quote William O. Douglas,

“The right to be let alone is the beginning of all freedoms.”

If someone is unwilling to acknowledge that simple and obvious right – to simply be left alone – they deserve to be ignored, and worse. Though, I must admit, I have on a few occasions broken this rule with strangers. Not long ago a BW tried to draw me into a loud, public confrontation in a Walmart super store. I didn’t fall for it, but the harassment went on for so long that I felt I needed to speak, to get rid of this very persistent gnat of a Human being. I described the encounter here.

Despite that slip up on my part, my husband remained silent but protective. He later chided me for breaking our rule, but admitted that he was glad she “took her crazy elsewhere”. BTW, he has also broken the rule with strangers. But only with lone men.

#2 – Laugh. Find the humor in their false interest in your life. Years ago, someone I barely knew asked me why I wasn’t dating a “brotha” and I responded by saying “Because I never learned how to play the banjo.” That person didn’t get the hillbilly reference, but it made me and my actual brother laugh pretty hard at the time, and that’s all that matters. Sometimes, you really do need to laugh, especially with your partner. When you think about the intent behind all of the looks, the questions and especially the comments it is all so foolish. If you have a sense of humor, you can’t help but laugh at how intensely stupid Human beings can be.

#3 – Answer their questions with questions. This is a great method for dealing with friends, family and acquaintances. They will usually attack your choices by questioning “why you need to” date someone who does not look like them, or someone who doesn’t look like you (in the case of non-Blacks). Basically, why are you not choosing who they think you should be with? They want to make your life about them and what THEY think or want a Black woman’s life to be like.

You’ll get asked some really idiotic questions – designed to make you defensive about your choice, as well as some simple ones that you may feel the need to answer in a straight forward manner. Don’t. You’ll just encourage them to be even more invasive and disrespectful in the future. Besides, there is nothing that you can say that will satisfy the reason why they felt it necessary to question how and with whom you choose to live your life. When you think about it, it’s pretty nervy to ask someone such questions. And only someone who has very little respect for you or who senses that you feel guilty for “dating out” would ask such demeaning questions. I speak from experience.

The typical questions Black women in IRR are asked are ‘why aren’t you with a Black man?’ questions. Every other question is merely a variation on that same theme. The two questions I have gotten most in the past year (since my wedding) are “Do you think [non-BM] are better than BM?” and “Why didn’t you marry a Black man?” These questions were posed mostly by acquaintances. These are the questions you can expect to hear most if your IRR gets serious.

I know some women find it hard to respond to questions of that nature with questions, so I’ll give you a head-start. I have made a list of questions that I have been asked with answers that I have given. Usually, these answers shut the asker down, not because they are so profound but simply because they realized that I don’t give two sh*ts about their approval. Apparently, people respect that.

Question & Response Examples:

Do you think [non-BM] are better than BM?

  • Do YOU think non-BM are better than BM?
  • Do you think non-BW are better than BW? Is that why you assume I feel the same way about [non-BM]?

Why didn’t you marry a Black man?

  • Why do you care? Do you get a commission whenever two Black people get married?
  • Are you planning to move into our home? Because unless you are, you will NEVER have to live under the same roof as my White husband.
  • Why didn’t you marry a Black woman?

There are a lot of good Black men out there. Why couldn’t you marry one of them?

  • Why didn’t you? You’re still single, right?
  • What are their names and numbers? We could start a matchmaking service.

Did you marry a [non-Black] man so your kids would look [non-Black]?

  • Did you knock up three different [non-Black] women so that your kids would look [non-Black]?
  • Do you believe a wedding ring is a magical device that can control what my future children will look like?
  • Why do you care what my yet to be conceived children will look like?

And back in the old days…

Why don’t you ever date Black guys?

  • Why don’t you ever date White guys?
  • Why do you care more about my personal life than my own mother? Is there something you want to tell me?
  • That’s an interesting question. I was wondering the same thing about you.
  • Are you in love with me? If you’re not, it’s really weird that you care who I date.

This is just a small sampling of the ridiculous questions I have been asked. It’s good to be prepared for these inevitable moments, so that you are not caught off guard and flustered. If you are flustered, you may be tempted to respond to their foolish questions as though they were worthy of an answer.

You’re probably thinking, Why shouldn’t I explain how I just happened to meet and fall in love with my non-Black BF/husband, and that it is not an attack on Black men everywhere? Here’s why: THEY DO NOT CARE! It’s not about him or you, it’s about them. It’s about their social agendas, self-esteem issues, internalized racism, externalized racism, etcetera. This being the case, why waste your time and energy “explaining” what they should have already surmised on their own? It’s common sense. Only someone who has never been in love would need an “explanation” of why a man and woman of the same species became attracted to one another, formed an attachment, fell in love and decided to share a life together. THAT is Human nature. Anyone who needs it explained is a moron.

One more thing…

You need to discuss the issue of IRR harassment with you partner early on in your relationship, especially if this is a first IRR for both of you. It won’t be hard to broach the subject, because someone is bound to get out of pocket with you and your guy within a few weeks of your spending time together publicly as a couple. And it’s important to agree on a plan of action. Not so much for words flung your way, but the very real threat of violence.

Every situation is different, and while most harassers do not pose a physical threat some do. You need to be mentally prepared to take action, if necessary. This is especially true for BW who feel guilty about being happily partnered with a non-BM. If you have already agreed that the police will be called if your lives are threatened, then you will simply do it when the time comes. I know someone who was followed and menaced by a group of young BM and didn’t want her (now) husband to call the police because she felt guilty about the large number of BM already incarcerated in America. 🙄 I think her concern, considering what happened and what could have happened, is beyond ridiculous, yet I understand the indoctrination that led to her feeling conflicted about protecting her own best interests and life.

If you feel that a situation is becoming dangerous, don’t be shy about calling the police. The police are a resource that we all pay taxes to finance, and far too many BW are hesitant to use this vital resource, for fear of incarcerating someone who would just as soon see them dead as alive, simply because that person happens to be Black. That’s one hell of a “Black pass” and it needs to stop!


About blackfemaleculture

I am an African American woman looking to connect with other African American women who are interested in reinventing a wholesome, empowering culture that feeds the minds and souls of African American women and their children.
This entry was posted in IRR, Relationships, Social Politics, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

45 Responses to How to Handle and Respond to IRR Harassers

  1. Kendra Blake says:

    Some of your responses had me LOL, especially “Do you believe a wedding ring is a magical device that can control what my future children will look like?”
    I really enjoyed reading this post! And you are right, the people who ask these dumbass questions don’t want a real answer, they just want you to know that they don’t approve of who you are dating or married to. That’s why I stopped explaining my personal life to folks a long time ago.

  2. I’m glad you wrote this. Hope you don’t mind me reblogging?

  3. Reblogged this on NotYourGirlFriday and commented:
    Great post that I think everyone should read. I wrote a post similar to this but she also has great responses.


  4. Dan says:

    Not everyone who asks Black women why they date white, latino and asian men are trying to be assholes. SOME of us are just curious. Theres no need to be sarcastic and rude about it.

    • Asking someone to explain something that does not concern you in the slightest is what’s rude. Telling someone, in a non-confrontational manner, that you do not need to explain yourself to them is hardly rude. If I had told the people who asked those questions to go f–k themselves, that would have been rude! If you can’t tell the difference, that’s your issue. As I said in my post,

      “Only someone who has never been in love would need an “explanation” of why a man and woman of the same species became attracted to one another, formed an attachment, fell in love and decided to share a life together. THAT is Human nature. Anyone who needs it explained is a moron.”

      • Dan says:

        No. The reason some people want an explanation is because many Black women go online and talk about how worthless and untrustworthy Black men are. Some of us want to know if the Black women in front of us are with a white man, or hispanic, or asian, because they think that way too. You don’t have to be a MORON to wonder about that!

        • Aurebesh Fan says:

          @Dan. Your response to the Blog mother doesn’t make sense. If you’re purporting that the reason you would ask a Black woman to explain her reasons for dating a non Black man, is because you’ve been to forums where Black women have stated that Black men are “worthless and untrustworthy”. Then clearly in your own mind you already know the alleged reason for a Black woman dating outside of her race. So why even pose such a question to a Black woman? I can only come to the conclusion that you are trying to bait that Black woman into justifying her inter-racial relationship with you. That would put you into the category of a harasser.

          • Dan says:

            Curiosity and harassment are not the same thing. It’s all in the approach. If someone comes at you in a disrespectful or aggressive manner that is harassment, if they just ask a question that is not. It seems to me that if Black women feel harassed by the question alone they are really just ashamed of the true answer.

          • Aurebesh Fan says:

            @Dan. Once again, I’ll remind you that you stated Black women who date inter-racially are doing so because they believe Black men are “worthless and untrustworthy.” Those are your words Dan. If you believe these are the reasons Black women date out, then why are asking a question you believe you already know the answer to? Asking a question with feigned politeness is still harassment in my book.

        • CherieAMour says:

          The point is Dan, is that it is no ones business why that black woman chose a non black man even if it is the reasons you stated. She can date any race of man she wants for whatever reasons, no matter how you or anyone else feels about that. The question is intrusive and prying for your own agenda.

          • Dan says:

            I know Black women can date any race they want to, but why is asking the reason why so offensive to some of you ladies? It’s not about my feelings. Sometimes you just want to know why. Black women have asked me why I was dating non-Black women and I didn’t get defensive about it, I just answered the question. And you have people like Chocolate vent saying that its alright for Black women to date outside the race but not Black men. Its hypocritical! Why is it good when you do it and evil when we do it?

          • CherieAMour says:

            I do not find it wrong when black men date out. I do not think most black women care. I think it is intrusive to ask why anyone dates out but I noticed that people seem to want to put restrictions on black women and what they are doing.

          • Aurebesh Fan says:

            You can count me among the number of Black women who do not care who Black men date. I totally agree with CherieAMour’s post. Besides, we all know Black men date out at a higher rate than Black women do. Of course as more Black women decide to stop fishing in a crowded and polluted pool of water for Black men, then that number of Black women who date inter-racially will grow.

            By the way, I just saw the news feed that George Lucas and Mellody Hobson tied the knot. My screen name I’ve chosen to post under lets you know I’m a fan of the Star Wars Universe.

          • Thanks for sharing the news! I’m happy for them. They dated a LONG TIME. 🙂

        • I agree with Aurebesh Fan and CherieAmour, you are asking Black women why they are not with a Black man because you assume the worst and want them to justify their personal decisions to you. That is not their job! Nor is it the job of Black men to justify their personal decisions to Black women. Just because we share the same ethnic background does not mean we own each other. We (BM & BW) really do need to leave each other the hell alone regarding this issue. We ALL need to start assuming that it was love and Human nature that brought an IR couple together. If it wasn’t, what can you do about it? Demand that they break up? We don’t need each others’ permission to live our lives how and with whom we see fit, so we need to stop acting like that is the case. Instead of asking random Black women why they are with a non-BM, ask yourself why you feel entitled to an answer.

          • Dan says:

            That’s not how I feel or who I am, but for the sake of peace I will just keep my mouth shut in the future.

        • The Phoenix says:

          Do you have anything to say about the MANY Black MALES and other-race lackeys that go online and talk about how worthless and ugly they think Black women are? I already know the answer. Please take your LAME insulting gaslighting elsewhere. You are not fooling anyone here with it.

        • MB says:

          @Dan…based on the date of your last comment, you probably don’t visit this blog anymore. But I have a few thoughts on what you said.

          First, this comment: “the reason some people want an explanation is because many Black women go online and talk about how worthless/untrustworthy Black men are”. Are you a Black male yourself? Allow me to put it this way…some Black women (I’m including myself even though I’m mixed) are fed up with how we’ve been treated by Black men. I can only speak for myself, but I don’t hate Black men. I don’t believe the other ladies on this blog hate Black men, either. We all know that there are decent Black men who are decent people…loving fathers, caring husbands, romantic, sensitive, intelligent, etc.

          But we are tired of the disrespect, the constant drama, the abuse, being belittled, etc…by our so-called “brothas”. There are plenty of Black men on the Internet who spend time bashing Black women, calling us ugly, talking about our “attitudes”…even if some of us are in fact very pretty and kind and feminine. Why are you not calling out Black men for bashing us? Why are you focused on Black women who are venting their pain at being treated this way?

          And more importantly, why does it matter if you see a Black woman with a non-black partner? Plenty of Black men will hook up with a WW, Asian or Latina in a New York minute. Why is it OK for them but not for us? Oh, that’s right…because the non-black woman is better in your eyes and you deserve the “trophy”. There are websites full of Black men putting Black women down and encouraging one another to find a white girl or something else.

    • MB says:

      @Dan…but it’s like BFC said, no one should have to explain things to people when it’s clearly none of their business.

      I agree, not everyone has bad intentions when asking questions. Sometimes it can be innocent…but most of the time it isn’t. This is why some people need to be firmly put in their place, because they are passing judgment and being rude. Sometimes rude/ignorant people deserve a rude response in return.

  5. I’m all for Black women dating outside the race, but not so much for Black men.

    • I have to agree with Dan on this point. Why is it okay for BW but not BM? If one’s not wrong neither is the other.

      • Life is full of double standards. I plan to write a post about it myself, but basically there are more available BW than there are BM so men have their choice of women. We on the other hand, do not.

        It’s a sheer numbers game. 🙂

        • I understand your point, there are 2 million more BW than BM in the USA, but I don’t like it when people assume that I “had to” find a non-BM because there are not enough BM to go around. It’s insulting to me and to my husband, who is by no means my second choice.

          Many anti-IRR (for BW) Black folks want us to make that claim as our reason for choosing non-BM, because it perpetuates the idea that we consider BM superior in every conceivable way to all other men, and that is not even remotely true. At least not for me.

          • mswanda says:

            Bfc you mean to say that you had a lot of quality bm courting you? Not trying to insult you or your husband but just look at the choices bw have to chose from. No your husband was not your second choice. I’m all for bw dating who they want but lets be real, The pickins are slim, That’s a fact. Most bw have to date non bm if they want to marry and have a good life. No reason to be offended.

          • I’m not offended by the comment. I am offended when people ASSUME that I had to SETTLE for the man that I love because there just aren’t enough “good BM”. I have only been in three serious relationships prior to my marriage. Two were White one was Black. I cared very deeply for all of them. None of them were bad guys and I would recommend any one of those men to another woman. BUT I have always been more sexually attracted to White men than to any other ethnicity. I have known this since I hit puberty. And it’s not just a physical attraction, it’s emotional as well. My first crush was a gorgeous WB who, coincidentally, has the same first name as my husband.

            Personality and character wise, I have always PREFERRED White men. Does that mean I don’t like BM or have rejected men for being Black? No, not at all. But I do not prefer them, and it is assumed that I MUST prefer BM, because so many BW go out of their way to tell the whole world how obsessed with BM’s dicks we all supposedly are, and it’s ASSUMED that I must feel the same way. And that is simply not the case.

            I should add, that I went out with a lot of different men prior to getting serious with any one man. And many of those men were not White, they were just guys who just seemed warm and friendly and worth getting to know. Having a preference doesn’t mean that you reject everyone outside of that preference. BUT it hurts BW socially/romantically when men who aren’t Black are convinced that they will be rejected by BW because they aren’t Black. Men FEAR rejection in a way that women do not. And no one wants to hear that you’re only dating/marrying them because you can’t attract a “good” BM. That’s a turn off. If my husband said that he dated and married me because he couldn’t find a WW on his level I would see that as a huge insult. That is the core of my issue with that mindset. Hope I’ve been clear.

          • MB says:

            @BFC…I completely agree with you. To me, it’s not just about numbers but I also have some thoughts on this.

            I believe (and maybe Chocolate sees it too, I don’t want to speak for her) that part of the issue some BW have with seeing BM and WW is the disrespect. To clarify what I mean by this…a lot of the BM who date/marry “out” are often extremely disrespectful and unkind in their treatment of BW. They’re not simply content to be with their non-black partner, they also throw it in Black women’s faces in a very cruel way. I’m not saying it happens all the time but I’ve experienced it and it is very hurtful.

            And when you factor in the whole issue of beauty standards that generally don’t include BW (even those that are very light-skinned sometimes) it hurts even more. Like there will be a guy who is undeniably a BM with dark skin and kinky hair, but he will tell a BW her hair is too nappy, she is ugly, etc…and then he will turn around to be with a WW or Latina because she can give him children with so-called “good” hair. So I believe this is the root of some BW’s pain.

            I’ve never cared about BM and WW dating or marrying. I didn’t when I was younger, and I still don’t. I’m very open-minded about it. I’ve never limited my options. But I see Chocolate’s point about numbers and I guess I also wanted to share why some BW might feel the way she does.

          • Believe me, I am well aware of why there are so many BW who “wince” like Jill Scott when they see a BM with a non-BW. However, if you are a BW who wants to date and marry “out”, you need to face the reality of this mindset and the behavior that goes along with it. Acting jealous and bitter over someone else’s relationship isn’t going to attract anyone with sense and self-respect.

            For example: If you met a non-BM that you really liked, and you thought that he was really into you too, only to later discover that he seethed with anger and resentment every time he saw a woman of his own ethnic group with a man from a different group. What would you think? Would you question whether or not that man’s interest in you was genuine? I would! I know WM who have dated BW who were like this and they could tell. My own husband has gone out with BW who were like this, and he knew that those women were just using him to pass the time. Thankfully, these experiences didn’t deter him nor change his preference for BW, and he eventually met and married me. And there is no man on this planet that I prefer to him. Not even Michael Fassbender. 😉

            We as BW need to take a long view at this issue. We already have a reputation for being anti-IRRs, what with all the fools screaming “nothing but a BM” from the rooftops for decades, and still doing it too. BW like Chocolate need to decide what they really want. If they want a BM, they need to date BM. Use the same vetting skills they would exercise on non-BM to choose one. The whole “as long as he’s Black, was born with a penis and still has a pulse” thinking needs to go! If you wouldn’t date him if he wasn’t Black, don’t give him a Black pass! The funny thing is, I have read so many posts from BW claiming that BW give non-BM a pass. I have NEVER seen that happen with a BW I know personally. If anything, they look for and even invent excuses to dump non-BM, because what they really want is a BM. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a BM. Everyone has a right to a preference. But they should be honest about what they really want, and stop wasting the time of non-BM who want to meet someone who really wants to be with them. They’re just making it harder for the next BW who may prefer that non-BM.

          • I want to address the issue of BM with non-BW a little, before I head off to bed. I think it goes beyond BW simply getting their feelings hurt, because they THINK some BM they don’t know MIGHT think that non-BW are superior. “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” I love that quote, because it’s true. And the BM who consider BW less than non-BW have an inferiority complex that they want to force down BW’s throats. We can CHOOSE to reject that damaged, dysfunctional thinking. It’s a choice. But the real problem is, too many BW are giving their personal power to other people – BM in general, the media, their family members, their friends. I know BW who think they need permission to live their lives in a way that benefits them, instead of other people; who believe that if only the media would create enough TV shows starring (what they would consider) a “perfect” saint of a BW, we would all be loved and cherished by the whole world, but especially BM. This is what I see and hear ALL THE TIME. And it’s ridiculous!

            We can love ourselves and value ourselves for the unique, beautiful, flawed, individual human beings that we all are, without getting permission from a major network or the Black collective. AND without being perfect “strong” mules who carry the burdens of others.

        • mswanda says:

          Chocolate I understand what you are saying. A lot of us are dating out because of lack of good men in our own group. There is no excuse for black men. Too many good black women from them to choose from. Most bw I know said they just got tired of waiting. Don’t blame them. I’d love a good bm but that’s not happening anytime soon or ever. So I had to move on.

          • MB says:

            @bfc…I agree. What you said is very true! Personally, I’ve never “winced” at the sight of a BM with a non-BW. I believe that the BW who only want a BM definitely care about it, though, and I’ve witnessed some people lashing out in anger when they don’t even know the couple. I feel sorry for the BW who limit their options to a pool of men that happen to share the same skin color, but might not necessarily be the right one for them.

            I have nothing against BM on the whole, but I always knew that I preferred WM. I fell in love with a BM once and he broke my heart badly. Now that I’m married to a WM, it feels wonderful to have somebody who seems to cherish and adore me.

          • “… it feels wonderful to have somebody who seems to cherish and adore me.”

            Yes, it does! 🙂

  6. Shaylah says:

    Black women experience more harassment and in some cases death. Like the married interracial couple in the marines. Too many Black women and their non-black boyfriends or husbands get followed and I find that most Black Women don’t want to call the cops on the Black Man even when he is threating your life. Harassment is a crime and should be treated as such. Because if these same said Black men who are inquiring abut why you are with a non-black man and then if she goes into blackistan and they stand around and watch Black women get a beat down by another bm, how willing are you going to get involved or will just walk on by and say the b**** had it come like the c/rappers have constantly spoke about. Are these people inquiring or interviewing so they can lie to other Black women on how the non-black person is treating the black woman. Criminals are not just walking the streets and cops just roll up on them. They are committing crimes and when the police catches them, they are usually doing something wrong. So have your cell phones readily available and make sure to trust your instincts. IF SOMETHING DOES NOT FEEL RIGHT, FOLLOW THROUGH BECAUSE YOUR LIFE IS PRECIOUS.

    • Good advice! I remember the murder of Jan and Quiana Pietrzak(sp?). I also remember how the authorities tried to portray it as a home invasion robbery gone wrong, so as not to label the BM who committed the crime as racists who committed a hate crime. And I further remember that there were BM online saying that the men who raped, tortured and killed Quiana (and her husband) had “freed” her from her life with a White man. Pure evil! This is why I always encourage other BW to look out for their own best interests. If we don’t no one else will see reason to either.

      • mswanda says:

        Wow! Now if she was not with a white man these negros would not even look her way. Not saying because she was not attractive because she was a very beautiful woman, but because she was black. The monsters only want you when they see you with someone else. It’s so bad out West bm will not even speak to you on the street. They are too busy getting white, mexican and asian women pregnant. Quiana did not want a dbrbm and got a quality man. I’m seeing more bw in AZ that are moving on. It’s just beautiful to see these sistas happy. They have children and a wedding ring on their finger. They are not babys mamas. This is just eating dbrbm up. Their mules are trotting off and never returning. I know I ain’t looking back.

  7. KimP says:

    LOL, loved this! I have used a few of these myself and they do work. I usually asked why the person was projecting their issues on to me.

    However, my go to now is to play the victim, like my interracially married friend, who is a BW. I witnessed her use the damsel in distress/white woman tears against a WW who basically attacked her about her IRR and bi-racial kids.

    To see all of those men, Black and White, who under normal circumstances would run to the aid of the WW when a BW and WW are in conflict, run to my friend still makes me chuckle with laughter. She is what Khadija or Evia would call a social butterfly. That is one of the benefits of being a butterfly; we can play damsel too!

    If I’m ever faced with IRR harassers in the future, I’m doing what she did! Even if it’s forced tears or an overreaction, I’m playing hurt and helpless if I can’t immediately get away or ignore the person. LOL

    “Do you get a commission whenever two Black people get married?” Too funny!

    • You’re friend understands how the game is played. I know that it’s worked for me on many occasions with both men and women. You should definitely dust off the crying bit if you are ever attacked verbally by another woman, or a man for that matter. BTW, I have heard some men say that it turns them on when they see women cry. I think that’s kinda weird, but it might be a male specific thing. I know most men – normal men, like feeling heroic and needed, so maybe that’s why. *shrugs*

      • MB says:

        @KimP and @BFC…very valid points! That is interesting because I’ve never used tears to manipulate people. My tears were always genuine and my emotions were real. But very few people have ever reacted with kindness when they see me crying. My feelings have always been dismissed. So I’m always intrigued when I hear stories about women (esp. Black women) who cry, whether it is real or crocodile tears, and people care about them. This has never really happened to me.

  8. Keisha says:

    ‘Dan’ who dates non black women. That explains everything. Even when black men are dating/marrying non black women. They still want to police black women’s lives and behavior. Do black women need permission to cough too? Notice he was gaslighting. Saying how he’s questioned about his interracial relationships. So he has the right to know black women’s reasons for dating/marrying out. Not! If anyone thinks people of two different races are together for wrong or superficial reasons. That’s that couple’s business alone. Just because you ask someone a question. They are not required to answer you. Dan is another black man who wants to control black women. Dan thinks all black women who date/marry out with other races of men are required to answer strangers questions about their personal life. And if they choose NOT to answer or reply sarcastically, ‘Dan’ sees that as offensive.

    No one ever has anything to say to black women when they’re in abusive relationships with black men, or when they’re lonely and single, or single mothers abandoned by black men. And no one says anything when black men date/marry out with non black women. But as soon as black women decide to date/marry out. Its 20 questions from strangers and simple people – especially from other black people that don’t want to see black women dating/marrying out with other men.

    BLACK WOMEN do not fall for ‘Dan’s’ trap! NO ONE is required to answer ANYONE’S questions about ANYTHING, or justify their personal life choices to ANYONE. And if you DO choose to answer a stranger or friends’ question. You can reply any way you want! I hate simple black men.

    • MB says:

      @Keisha…right?! I wish somebody WOULD ask me why I’m with my husband! Some acquaintances have asked me what his background is and they look a bit uncomfortable when I tell them he is white, but I don’t care. People will always have something to say no matter what you do. Somebody will always pass judgment on your looks, the car you drive, your job, etc…we simply have to roll our eyes and keep it moving.

      And yes, when he said he is a BM who dates non-black women, I knew it! Not that anything is wrong with that…more power to him if that’s what he wants to do. But he has no business coming up in this blog demanding an explanation for BW who date/marry “out” when he does the same thing.

  9. Janine says:

    Black women can’t even have a safe space online without thirsty black men butting into conversations that have nothing to do with them. If these type of black men or other blacks cared so much about their own people. They would focus more on uplifting and educating the black community. Instead of whining like bitches on black womens blogs. How rap culture has destroyed the black community, and too many other things to list here. I never hear of black men or the delusional black women that agree with them going on the web sites of the KKK or skinheads. Instead they bully and harass other black women. Black men have been abusing, raping, killing, and stealing from black women for centuries.

    But only march in the streets when black men are killed by white people. And even when black men claim to hate black women (for superficial reasons) and only date/marry white or non black women. They still try to control black women. I have read stories online where black men have harassed, physically attacked, or killed interracial couples involving black women. And even when black women dislike interracial couples involving black men. They NEVER attack or kill them. And whenever black women choose to date or marry anyone that’s not black. Black men have the nerve to get offended. Black men are pathetic.

    What About Our Daughters

  10. Mitzi says:

    Wow. Here you have a black man on this forum, a complete stranger, mind you, wanting to know why black women are dating or marrying white men. Dan, you are a STRANGER!!! These women don’t owe you an explanation on who they are dating or marrying. It’s none of your business. You are not their friend or relative. I always cringe at the lack of common sense boundaries that too many blacks have with each other. How many times have black people had to encounter black people who are total strangers wanting something from them and being totally inappropriate? My goodness, talk about total dysfunction.

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